looking ahead.

well, it’s been quite some time indeed.  i’ve been going through a lot, to say the least.

i guess i’ll start with school. i should be graduating next spring (april ’09) if i play my cards right.  as it stands i’m taking two classes this spring and then i’ll only have eight classes left.  hopefully it will all work out so i can finally be done.  where i’m going after that, who knows.  i want to do some freelance writing maybe.  see if i can get an internship somewhere or something, but we’ll see how it goes.  my ultimate goal is obviously to get published.  i want to publish a book of poetry, as that is my strong point.

i’ve been struggling lately.  to say the least.  having zachary so far away is definetely hard for me.  i mean, we talk every day and our relationship is still strong and amazing, but i’m just having a hard time adjusting.  he was and is my rock.  he keeps me motivated.  my biggest issue is that without him, i get so antisocial and i don’t want to go anywhere or do anything.  it’s really terrible and i know it’s taking a toll on my emotionally, but it’s like i don’t know what to do with myself socially anymore.  i’ve always been so awkward like that, and it’s really hard for me to go out by myself because i get anxious and super paranoid about it.

i’m starting to look at my options as far as moving out of my parents house in the next year.  i definetely need to build some credit, but i don’t know if the best option is to get a department store card, or a credit union card.  i really need to discuss it with my mom, even though she’ll tell me i’m not ready and blah blah blah, i just need to show her that i’m growing up and i’m trying to make smart decisions for my future.  i plan on opening a card, and not using it much, just when i have to (or really really want that cute pair of shoes), and paying it completely off at every payment.  i think i’m definetely capable of it as long as i keep myself motivated and know my limits.  which i’m quite good at when i want to be.  i just know that if i ever want to move out, i need to have impeccable credit because zachary’s credit is fucked at the moment, and if we ever want a house we’re going to need to put it in my name.  i’m definetely looking ahead these days, which i think is both good and really scary.  i know that every kid thinks this at my age, and most of them fall flat on their face.  i don’t want to be one of those kids.  i want to be successfull in all that i do and i want to make sure i do it the right way.