[[86]] what exactly am i doing?

okay so things have been getting super complicated.

i’ve been sort of dating zach…but i won’t commit because i’m interested in this guy from the bowling alley. but he hasn’t called me.

zach sent me roses two days ago. he’s taking me out on saturday. but for some reason i just can’t take that next step back into relationship-ville. and part of me is like “dude, just go for it already” and the other part is like “what are you doing? tell him to go away.”

not that zach is a bad guy. he’s super nice to me, very affectionate and for gosh sakes he sent me flowers. i’ve never ever been sent flowers. he hangs out with me and my friends so obviously he’s social. BUT…he drinks underage, he parties a lot, i hate to say this because it sounds shallow BUT: he’s overweight. i know it sounds silly, but sex is important to me now…and how do i have sex with him? i’m not a very big girl (5″4′, 110lbs [if that]). i don’t want to get smushed and i know he ways probably almost 2 and a half times what i do. i can’t just go up to him and be like “lose weight or i won’t date you”. i mean, i’ve had a crush on him since high school. he’s always been the way he is…maybe not this extreme but still…it never stopped me from pining after him before. but now it’s like…i’ve got him…and i don’t want him.

why am i so ridiculously retarded?

oh, and for your entertainment PICTURES!!!

this is me and my puppy thor. he is a total sweetheart.

stereotypical myspace photo. this is also my model face.

one of the roses that zach sent me. pretty.