9 Months

My son has been alive in this world now, for as long as he was alive inside of me, and only mine. There are so many changes in him, some make me happy beyond measure, and others are bittersweet. Reflecting on his short life so far, I can’t remember what life was like without him. 

The first moment I had alone with myself after I knew we had conceived I whispered to my little person inside of me and urged my little baby to grow good and strong for mommy. To hear a heartbeat of a child you can’t see, and to love the life it represents, is just as life changing the second time around. The first time I felt him move, I was connected to a human being that only I was responsible for. When I found out I was having a son, there was a satisfaction in knowing that God gave me what I prayed for that was unlike anything I had ever known. And when that doctor told me that there was something wrong with his kidney there was no preparing me for what I felt in the months following. But all of that was washed away when I felt his head as he was emerging out of the cozy home I had provided him with. 

And now he is more boy than he is baby. He has mastered crawling and standing on items. He makes silly faces to make us laugh and knows when he has succeeded. He insists upon being independent and finding out how things work all on his own. When he is angry we all know it by his shaking fists and red face, though he always ends up smiling because it’s so cute we all laugh at him. His favorite food is frozen yogurt and it makes me wonder if that means I am a bad mom? He loves his sister and playing with her as much as he does learning from her. He definitely is a mommy’s boy, but there is a light that shines in him when he was with his daddy that I can’t match. He understands more of the world then I would think possible. And to much of my joy, he loves Disneyland.

He had his well baby check today. Everything is great, though there is concern over another urinary infection so she ordered another ultrasound to make sure his kidney isn’t inflamed. She said he is a little on the skinny side (20.7 pounds) but is sure it is because he is more active lately and I just need to get him to eat some more. He has however sprouted significantly since his last appointment and is running the high marks at 29 inches. Just a month ago he was 27 and a quarter. I knew he looked huge lately! She said his motor skills are still advanced and his vocabulary is that of a one year old. I’m super proud of my babies! She asked about my plans to continue breastfeeding and praised my plan to let him self wean. It felt good to have the support of his doctor. 

All in all, life with my son is great. He’s been added to the list of the love’s of my life. I miss him cuddling with me though. I can’t get him to sleep on my chest anymore and it breaks my heart. I hope once he settles down the exploring end of life, he comes back to loving being in my lap. He kisses me upon being asked and those kisses make a really hard day that much more bearable. I love the way his soft hair tickles my chin, or arm, as he lays with me. My son has my heart more and more everyday. I am consumed by him and his sister and his daddy and I can’t get enough of it.