All Things

 I want to move so bad. Every day the desire gets stronger, and so everyday that something irritating happens in my life, the more I want to just run away. I am so tired of my family being such a root cause of stress in my life, just because we live with them. They are not my responsibility and wouldn’t be if we didn’t live under the same roof. Scott has gotten calls from most every place he has applied to, which is encouraging, but nothing pays as much as we need. I take that back, one place in Colorado did, but it was a small shop and the owner was unwilling to take responsibility for our family moving there and then it possibly not working out. So, we have looked at Nashville, Scottsdale, Denver and Austin. Scott and I both think about it all day long. 

Now that I have gotten that out of the way….. I haven’t heard anything about the lab results for Ian. I dropped them off just before noon today because we had issues collecting the sample. I do not know how to put the bag on as well as the nurse did. Scott got him to pee directly into the cup by filling the bath tub with water and dipping hits feet in the water, and ummm, aiming.  I hope that tonights sleep is better than lasts because I thought about it all night long. I’ll call tomorrow if I don’t hear anything by lunch time. 

The wedding on Saturday was more demanding than I could handle. I went out and bought a new dress because I didn’t feel comfortable in anything I was wearing. I was extremely happy with what I got and felt great trying dresses on because there wasn’t anything I put on and thought I looked terrible in. But I did cut it too close on time, and since Scott had left hours before me, it was pretty stressful getting myself and both kids ready. I was 5 minutes late, but for a wedding I was early. Especially this one because they started an hour and a half late. It was a nightmare. Ian was not happy to sit still that long and not get any stimulation. By the time we finally sat down to eat, I had been holding him for 3 hours. Because Scott was in the wedding I got no help either. He was greeting guests, in the ceremony, taking pictures, escorting a bridesmaid and giving speeches. My arms were tired and I was spent from his fussing and Salem’s complaints that she was hungry. Dinner was buffet style so we had to stand in line for food and then walk back to our table. Challenging with an infant. I took 4 bites of my salad before Ian started crying and I left to go outside. I walked with him for 15 minutes before he finally fell asleep. And still I was holding him the whole time I was eating. I stayed long enough to eat, and watch a few of the normal wedding dances before I left. I was exhausted from the kids, hurt for my husband, feeling claustrophobic from the environment and desperately in need of affection from my husband because the wedding itself made me very sentimental. I was a wreck by the time I got home and just wanted to cry to let all the different emotions out. It took forever to fall asleep and Scott kept sending me awesome text messages about how happy he was that we were married and how everything made him feel, and while  I was touched, it only made me want him home with me more. He didn’t get home until 1:30 in the morning because as a member of the wedding party, he was required to clean up and load away tables and chairs. 

Mother’s Day morning Ian had me up bright and early at 7:45. I was not happy, and honestly a little irritated that not even on Mother’s Day could I sleep in. I had 3 cups of coffee and didn’t make one for Scott like I do every morning as retaliation.  He woke up while I was putting more appropriate pajamas on to walk downstairs and told me Happy Mother’s Day. He gave me a kiss and said that he was sorry it had been such a busy weekend and him and Salem would have to go out later to get me something. I was really disappointed by that. But he made up for it by literally doing anything I wanted the whole day. We left to get lunch at Corner Bakery, and he stopped along the way to wash my car. We enjoyed our meal and then walked across the shopping center to Yogurtland and I shared a giant cup of delicious frozen yogurt with Ian, and Scott and Salem had their usual too. We sat outside and the breeze was wonderful. I was just happy for all of us to be together. I really wanted to go for a walk, so we went to the biggest park in our city and walked the entire track. We stopped at the play ground so that the kids could swing, and Salem could play. That was the happiest moment of my day, hearing my babies laugh and looking at their smiles. The walk was so refreshing. Salem pushed her brother in his umbrella stroller most of the time and Scott and I were able to walk behind and hold hands. The breeze was perfect and my heart was full. We stopped at Target before heading home because I needed one more thing for my mom’s present. When we got home Salem spent some time with my mom and we had some grown up adult time.  After looking at a friends Facebook status, I was inspired to have carne asada for dinner, so Scott, Ian and I ran to the store and got some, along with salad fixings and dessert. Scott barbecued and we sat down for a quiet family meal because my mom and brothers left to go out themselves. I love when that happens. After dinner I cuddled Ian and Scott and Salem finally went to the store. They came back with 2 perfect cards and Salem picked me out a very cute dress that I wore yesterday. His present to me is a massage because that is what I wanted, we just have to book it. I need to stay committed to making that happen. We got the kids to bathed and to bed, and before falling asleep he gave me a foot massage while singing my praises as a mother. I fell asleep happy, much different than how I woke up!

This Saturday we have another wedding to go to. This time will be much different and I know a lot more enjoyable. We will get to be together and dance and be romantic. My cousin Daniel is getting married, and since my whole family will be there, Salem will have kids to play with, and I will have other hands to hold my son so I can be with my husband. I am very much looking forward to it.