It must be January….another car accident!

January 2003, 2005, 2006….car accidents! 2004 must have been an off year. I am never driving in Jan again….Bailey says I should just take a month of vacation every year in Jan and stay home! UGH!

I slept at Bailey’s last nice. I got my nice back and body massage – I was feeling good. Today I went to my house to grab some clothing. On my way back I was stopped in traffic on Arizona Ave just north of Warner….BAM! I saw the car behind me coming up fast, but I hoped he would stop in time. I am used to it…it happens once a week usually – but they usually stop! This one didn’t. We were right by a store and crossed two lanes of traffic to pull in.

My Jeep is okay – you can see some scratches on the towing ball, a small mark on the spare tire, some scratches to the underneith tow area….but nothing is dented or cracked. The other guy was young, and had a small car. He was NOT so lucky. His car’s hood was folded like a tent in the front. His bumper smashed in.

We were trying to exchange info and I couldn’t find my insurance card. I was panicing…I have insurance – but I couldn’t find it! I knew we should have called the police for a report, but my car was pretty much okay and I didn’t want to have issues because I didn’t have my insurance card on me. I asked him if he wanted a report since he was going ot have to make an insurance claim for his new car. He told me he would just talk to his dad and his dad would help him. I don’t know if is dad is a mechanic, in insurance, a cop…or just a dad that will tell him he should have made a police report. If I could have found my insurance card I would have called the police myself.

My neck and back are sore….not as bad as my last accident…although last time I was worse when I woke up the next day. I really can’t afford to be hurt. I have been alternating heat and ice and hopiong that will help. I am supposed to leave for the Philippines on Tuesday….3 hr plane ride to Vancouver…8.5 hr layover….and 14.5 hour flight to Manila…I can’t afford to hurt. I contemplated going to the hospital today to get checked out…I know I probably should have. With my history of a fractured neck, pulled neck and back muscles, spasms, and whip lash – it never hurts to be cautious. I just couldn’t entertain the thought of sitting in the ER for 10 hours again….either they tell me I will be fine or tell me I am broken…it is all the same in the end. I would have like some good drugs….but the agony of all that time in the ER. If I am worse tomorrow maybe I will have to go. I thought about going to the work clinic on Monday and possibly getting some pain pills – since I will probably need them for all my flying…..but then they will probably make me go to the hospital for xrays….and that is the entire day spent in the ER when I should be packing for my trip.

It just sucks all the way around. I hurt and I want to curl in a drug induced coma and die….!

To make my day worse Elle knows about the surprise party I am planning for her. How, I still don’t know exactly. At least she doesn’t know Lauren is coming. That’ll be her real surprise then. I am still trying to get some of her other far away friends to fly in….no luck with anyone yet. Hopefully Ash has some luck with all the phone calls she was making today. We’ll see.

I just had a funny thought. My day yesterday started off so well and I had that great compliment from the driver that wanted to know if I was single. Well today started off all good too….2 guys were outside my apartment when I left my house today. One of the guys said hello, asked how I was, and then told me I look especially nice today. I thanked him and walked off smiling and laughed as I recounted the story to Alli who was on the phone with me. I started thinking all of these compliments from random men were going to go to my head. LOL. Now I am wondering if I have "the curse of the compliments" or something equally as silly. I get a nice compliment that helps me get my day going and BAM…shit happens.

The other thing that is bugging me is tomorrow…officially today since it is after midnight is/wouldbe Bailey and my 2nd anniversary. It pisses me off that I can’t be all excited and happy and celebrate. I love him so much still. I love him more all the time. I start to worry that all the time I have been spending with him is not a good thing in the long run. I worry that he will find someone else and I will be left to hurt all over again, and this time for real. It isn’t as if he is out there on dates or looking to meet people. And I know he doesn’t meet people that easily, but it can happen. It could happen very easily for the simple fact that he is so awesome, kind, loveable. Everyone loves Bailey. I hear it all the time – how great everyone knows him to be. All I need is for someone single to come along and hold onto that. Hold onto him. I don’t think I can take it. At the same time I don’t want to start distancing myself, because I can’t stand to be with him. I am much better off, for the time being, to spend all this time with him and moarn what I can’t have….rather then to moarn what I have lost and not get to see him. What will it take for him to love me – or to realize that he loves me. I want him more then anything and it hurts that he either doesn’t want the same or fails to realize that he does. We have amazing times together….how can’t he want that with me forever? I just don’t get it. I certainly don’t know what to do. I am practically crying thinking about all of this….it hurts so much.

I physically hurt, emotionally hurt, and I am stressed out. I don’t know what to do first or last or next or what to do at all. I want something to make all my pain go away….I just don’t know what will do the trick.

hurt.