I Know

I havent written in some time and well when I have written its been short and pretty nonsensical.  Its not that my life has improved any I will say that much.

Blood has it right, I dont feel special at any real point at the moment.  Between the mixed signals from _____ and the MaDScientist lying to me I just cant feel all that much is pertinant to myself or to others.  I want to beg, plead and grovel for some attention but it would be stupid to place my emotions on display as such.  I do want to say something but I dont know what to say.

Between apartment hunting, job stress, credit card fraud and the lacking monies thereof I am struggling to keep myself together.  I havent cut, but I have wanted to.  I dont want to call my crisis person as this has been too common recently. 

I dont know if I am the one completely slipping on that road to insanity or if its just the stress of it all bearing too hard. 
All I wanted the other night is just to be held and told its alright.  Instead I got the littany of what I have done wrong, not what I have done right.  Hard to know what to think at that point.

I need my vacation to rest but I will be moving that weekend, granted I find an apartment or living with La Cucaracha and RHSC for a couple of months. 

RHSC dumped me for La Cucuaracha, do they not think this will affect me nil?  Come on, I was made to feel cheap and insignificant. 

_____ doesnt seem to want to be around me sometimes and others its like he wants me to be around.  I dont know there what is going on in his head.  I just keep the ball in his court.

The MaDScientist lied to me and made me feel like I am last on the list. 

Work is just stressful and I dont know what I am going to do about that part.