Yep, heres more…

This week.. gods what a roller coaster…

Well still a continuation I had gotten a call from Kander that he was being evicted from his boarding house for not paying rent and I needed to be a foster Mom for 2 cats (smelly ones too) that he had promised the original owner he would make sure was okay. He didn’t consult me about this prior and I went over Sunday to pick them up and make sure that Kander had not committed suicide by that point.

The kitties are sweet, if smelly, and I took them home still battling my headache. I ended up calling in sick on Monday. Tuesday was decent, not really anything happening but my headache that was finally slowly subsiding. I worked my ass off as per the norm and came home, crashed and tried to get some things done.

Wednesday was good, fantastic really when some things get resolved in my personal life. It was really the best day of the week.

Thursday was horrific, I had been planning on going to N. GA for the night and Friday as well coming back on Saturday morning. I got a call from Kander, wanting to check on the kitties and well, lets face it try to get me to invite him to stay, since he is now homeless again, and I ended up giving him a ride to the train station to catch his bus from the Airport terminal to Louisiana. Well during the final good-byes he decides to hurt me some more, tearing me down as being cold, heartless and lacking compassion since others have had more compassion for his situation than his partner of almost 10 years. He showed me his colors a long time ago and a I left due to financial, emotional and eventually an instance of physical abuse.

It bothers me, a whole hell of a lot, I broke down and did the bad, I still look and feel guilty to what I have done, now, not in leaving. I should not let him get to me that way, but I feel haunted by one phrase “I’m going to Louisiana to die” like its my fault!

So I did end up going to poker and got some consolation, thank you again. I am still just numb at times, angry at others and wanting to be vindictive or crying.

Going to poker I did end up making the final table, unlike Wednesday (but I am not sad about that whatsoever!) ending up 7th. I did actually pretty well but made one big mistake. Oh well, it seems that the more aggressive form of betting early on is working out, as long as I don’t go overboard.

Friday I just hung out here till going to Relapse again. I HAVE to quit drinking there. Irish.

Today work and contemplation, I refuse to go out tonight.

More coming soon.. again