Why is reality always so cruel?

Dear diary

These few days are so heartbreaking for me. I feel that I don’t really like my job as I should…yet I have to be thankful to have a job and I have to stick to this job no matter what because I have nowhere to go.

I am deep miserable.
How much I wish I can go back to 10 years ago, how much I wish I can go back to the young me, at least there aren’t so much heartaches inside, why do adults have to face so much problems, that is getting harder and harder to endure each time.

I am really scared, I getting more and more scared to see that my parents are getting older and older each day, and I know I can’t bear to face the day when I have to say goodbye to them, I really can’t bring myself to send them away one day. Yes, I getting so scared like a coward. Maybe those that can do that really have alot of courage, but I can’t do that. When I count the years that they could be with me, which is the most twenty years more for normal lifespan, I feel so sad inside, tears just dripping down. How much I wish I can turn back time…

Why is reality always so cruel?
I feel so helpless.
Why do I have to accept reality even though it’s so cruel?

I feel so alone now, how much I wish she still there. If only she’s still there for me, even if she did nothing for me, at least I will feel comforted knowing that there’s someone in this earth who worries for me, at least that will give me some strength to stand on. I still can’t forget them no matter what, even a lifetime memory with them is not enough for me, maybe I am greedy, I can’t survive on with only so short memories with them, I want them to be around me for a long long time. How much I wish I can go back to the place where feel so happy before but I can never go back…why is reality always so cruel? Sorry, I know I am bad, but I am beginning to doubt them, that their concern for before are all because of pity which are fake. That is why they can forget me so easily. I know I am bad to think this way but maybe I am not wrong at all…

falling snow