Entry 409

College has been okay, but I feel like I’m more of a ghost to it then actually being there. Possibly because there is that giant awkward feeling of sitting next to new people and too shy to really chat with them. Even then, I dunno what to even say. "hey, how is that… snow weather?"

Days are passing by and I’m sitting on the couch and it comes to mind how nothing I do really matters. Playing games, watching anime, none of it really matters. Today, I got home from classes, napped, and have been sitting here and staring into space for 4 hours. I don’t think I’ve done a single thing in that time, other than eating dinner and taking a piss.

I forget that I’m in a relationship. Perhaps part of everything is my fault, but I just don’t really care to have much effort. We don’t talk much, granted I could text her, but I feel like why should I bother to be the one to do this every time? I was thinking today about how odd it is that she says she isn’t home, she’s at her best friend’s house. Well. Okay. That’s cool. Except I lived with my close friend and chatted with people daily. A wee bit odd for her to be staying at a friend’s house but unable to really communicate with me.

I’m starting work tomorrow night and feeling a bit nervous, because I want to do well. I’m anxious to start being on my feet more and obviously getting extra money will be nice. I’ll have to see what my first month’s pay will be so I can evaluate what I will do, but first and foremost, I wanna get Melz a cat tree and invite my parents for dinner. They say constantly how they’ve never been invited by my brother or myself, so I’d like to do that.

With work and college, I suppose my life will be busier and not so empty.

Still upset that I never thought to get a 3rd shift job while in college. But that’s life for you. You do things then reflect how you wish you could have done something differently to better you in the present.
 

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