Entry 394

Was invited to a party tonight for a friend that’s moving away. I honestly was surprised for the invite.

The friend’s boyfriend invited me, saying it’s a surprise party and it was gonna be her friends. Sure, I knew we were on FB as friends and hung out a few times, but I didn’t know I was cool with them like that. If that makes sense.

It was only about 9 other people and then myself. Got along with everyone, most of which I had met before at the anime con.

We were around a fire pit then went inside cause the girls were getting cold then out to Buffalo Wild Wings. It was hitting 1am and so everyone parted ways.

…
I felt sad the whole way home. This time of being in Michigan, I haven’t had many friends I can fully like being around. With this girl and how everyone is when all together, it’s very fun, comical, and I don’t think about depressive realities of life.

As one said, "we’re all socially awkward." and it felt like, if I was quiet, they understood. It’s not a damn switch I could flip and be a social genius with words.

I’m sad because I haven’t had this type of time in a long time. Hang out, go out and be stupid silly, forget the bullshit.

I’ve hung out and went out with others in the past few years, but there’s a difference.

Meeting new people that are similar is not as easy as just going out. I want a certain quality.

…
I guess….. I’m just sick of being alone. I have Melz and she keeps me together very well, but as I type this, it dawns on me that my life is sitting in this very spot, every day, with the exceptions of briefly going to class and sleeping. It’s depressing to think about.

And for the zillionth time, it is very hard for a socially awkward person to meet people. Especially when most gamers are very much like that as well. "where does someone incredibly shy to converse go to converse with others in an environment not too hard on them?"…"the internet.".

Should sleep. Gotta go visit the new apartment tomorrow.
 

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