hell in a handbasket

 Well.  Nick finally took an opportunity last weekend to tell Lindsay that the romantic part of their relationship is over.  To be fair, he woke up to her crying, at which point she told him she was worried about the state of their relationship.  

It is my experience that it’s best not to ask serious questions unless you’re entirely sure you want to know the answer.  Lindsay, who for all purposes still behaves much like a child, was expecting to hear that she shouldn’t worry, that everything would be all right.  Instead …. Nick apparently decided he couldn’t wait any longer and was, for once, extremely honest with her.  

She is not handling it well.  She thinks she wasted fifteen years of her life on him, even though if it’s actually true, it was entirely her decision with very little encouragement from Nick.  And never mind that she hasn’t done much of anything to help keep the relationship going.  Nick estimates that they haven’t had sex in over six years, and maybe had sex seven times in the entire fifteen years.  I get that sex is not essential to a romantic relationship, but it sort of illustrates (for me at least, I’m withholding most of what I know about this) how little she’s actually done for herself, ever.  

Nick is also not handling it well.  He feels quite guilty for asking her to move down here, but since they hadn’t lived together for a few years, and since his relationship with me began in the interim, he had to be sure.  She’s apparently angry about this, and perhaps has a right to be, since she and mike gave away most of their possessions, including a car, to move here from Rochester.  Anyway.  Nick keeps saying that he’s destroyed Lindsay’s life, although at times it seems he’s only saying this because it’s how she feels.  I’m hoping that Lindsay will take this opportunity to grow up already.  She reminds me more and more of The Roommate, which I guess is a bit disappointing.  I like to think that grown-ups are actually … grown up.  I’ve never understood why some people are content to just sit back and let things happen to them.  Lindsay has told Nick that she didn’t want her life to end up ‘like this,’ but when I asked him what exactly she had *done* to try to make things different, he didn’t have a reply.  

In the past, he’s made the excuse that for several years, she was battling undiagnosed RA, and then battling diagnosed RA, which in her case was pretty severe.  But my mom also had RA.  She was diagnosed fairly early, but was in the process of divorcing my father.  The disease hit her hands pretty hard, which was a concern because she’s a dental hygienist = makes her living with her hands.  Although she often fell asleep at the table after dinner and slept each night in her recliner in the living room, she nevertheless paid all the bills, including all the expenses associated with my sister and I playing instruments through high school.  I remember her calling in sick only once or twice during that time.  I’ve asked her about it recently in an attempt to understand  Lindsay’s behavior.  My mom approached her illness completely differently, which only underscores the huge differences in personality, attitude and ambition between Lindsay and … well, pretty much everyone else I know. 

Where does all of this leave me?  I’m ‘not supposed to know’ about all this, but I obviously do.  I’ve been trying to be supportive of Nick, but it’s hard.  Sometimes I feel like I’m grieving tangentially to him and Lindsay.  In my opinion, he feels guiltier than he should.  Also, in light of the breakup, he seems to be spending more time with Lindsay than ever before, and will in fact continue his practice of sleeping in her room on Saturday nights because she insisted that that part of things go slower.  Am I wrong for thinking it was silly of Nick to acquiesce to that particular demand?  I’m actually a bit irate about it.  In my opinion, that is one of the things that should have stopped immediately, along with saying ‘I love you’ and kissing.  The sleepover didn’t become a thing until Lindsay moved in with us.  When she, Nick and Mike all lived together, she didn’t care a wit about sleeping with Nick, and actually didn’t for about four years.  I can only assume that she’s clinging to this now for one of two reasons: either she’s trying to delude herself a bit longer, or she’s trying to spite me.  Or both?  Nick keeps saying he knew I’d be upset that ‘things weren’t progressing fast enough.’  I would have managed with the then-status quo until May, or whenever Nick was originally going to be completely honest with Lindsay about everything.  *But* since he decided to do this so early, is it really unfair for me to assume that certain physical behaviors would change immediately? Why else would someone go to the trouble of ending a romantic relationship? 

To make matters worse, a lot of this took place the day of Thanksgiving, making the day pretty unbearable around the apartment.   I already hate being around at night and on weekends because of how *around* Lindsay invariably is, but campus was closed Thursday and Friday which left me with no alternative.  I don’t know how I’ll survive the January interim.  Guess I’ll sew on weekdays and study something at school on the weekends.  Ugh.