Life Stuff

Well ….

To update from the last time: we found a new place, and have been living there just over a month. We are five:  Nick and I; Matt, and Lindsay and Mikey. So far it’s going quite well, although the moving part –which took many weeks, during an uncomfortably hot spell–was stressful.

I finished my semester. The Yiddish theater project received high marks from both professors, and I ended up with an A+ in each class. I’m having some doubts about whether to continue in my program, but will slog along, sort of, for now.

The trip to Iowa was great. I’ve been living in New York long enough, I think, that everyone who knows me is used to it, and all of the unnecessary superiority I had anticipated fielding from relatives and friends was nonexistent. My mom and I went on a roadtrip to Sioux City so I could visit some long-lost friends from my days at Morningside. I have a way of putting places out of mind once I’ve gone, and I hadn’t returned to Sioux City since I’d left, nearly four years ago. Going back there now, though, I barely recognized the campus. It had changed a bit, but I suppose I’m quite different from the version of myself who was once so fond of the music and humanities buildings. Now it’s just a couple of buildings to me, and it’s kind of hard to believe that I spent four years cooped up there. I saw Alban, and met her ferociously cute son. She’s turned into a friend-for-life, something I hadn’t anticipated my first few years as an undergraduate. And I saw Shufie and one of the Drs. Phil, and caught up. I suppose after so long, and going in such an unexpected direction, that I didn’t have as much to say as I had thought.  My mom and I also had a pretty epic shopping trip at JoAnn’s Fabric, and I acquired a piece of Czech pottery my Bubbie had lying about. The same day as the Joann’s trip, my mom and I had lunch with my brother. He’s opened up a lot since the last time I saw him. He’s always been a bit … prickly. By prickly I mean quiet, kind of standoffish  but  … not. Hard to get to know, though I’ve always wanted to. I don’t know. Maybe I’m finally at a point in life where I can finally approach him, and maybe he’s at a point where he can finally let me. 

I’m bad at being a relative, or at least I have been for a good while. And my notion of ‘family’ has always been foggy, and therefore something I’ve kind of rejected. But I care very deeply about my brother and my mom, and after such a good visit back, I find myself unexpectedly missing them, and wanting to visit again kind of soon.

Some of this may have to do with Starbucks. After much ado, and a couple of interviews, I’ve been promoted to an assistant manager. I followed my manager to Union Square, where I was a barista. Remember Liberte? She’s still there, angrier than ever. She did not take the news of my promotion well at all. I’m nearly certain I’ve lost her as a friend for good, and have already taken the precaution of unfriending her and her partner in an effort to shield myself from the vitriolic things she often has to say about managers and companies, particularly her managers at Starbucks. In person, she won’t speak to me if I greet her or make small talk, and has already begun organizing her Wobbly friends against me. She believes I am a traitor.

I have had some difficulty dealing with the loss of her friendship. I’ve spent nearly a year coming to terms with the fact that me taking the ASM job automatically means she’ll hate me. Nothing I say will convince her I’m doing it out of financial necessity, nor does it really matter to her anyway. It’s terribly depressing, having insight to her point of view, and knowing that no matter what I do as a manger at that store, she’ll find a way to see it as an act of war.

In the meantime, I’m finally making enough money to pay rent and bills and stuff. It’s going to mean cutting down to one class a semester this year, but I already owe a staggering $85,000 in student loans, with several more years of school to go. And you know, I want to have kids. Maybe not with Nick, but with someone. While I’m young enough to do a good job. But the field of musicology isn’t exactly a prosperous one, and my school generally isn’t terribly helpful about awarding useful financial aid (ie, not loans). I’d rather not be sitting on $100,000 of debt right out of grad school. So I’m doing the practical thing and working out the school year. I’m hoping I can make some kind of significant dent into paying off my loans. And, like I said, I’m having some doubts about whether I have a future in musicology.

In the meantime, I work. Most days it’s not so bad, although I imagine I’ll be quite worn out once the semester starts.