horrible strikes baby!

ahhh its been awhile since i have written, and i have much to say but i think my mind is too tired to write it. however, i will say that 2007 has started off horribly. am i surprised? well i shouldnt be, but honestly damnit I am totally surprised. I wanted this year to be mine. I wanted a beautiful start to take the place of the horrible start of 2006. but i didnt get that. and frankly i dont think i deserved the ugly things that have happened. i think i have been deserving of good things but someone somewhere somehow doesnt agree with me. so 3 strikes have knocked me off my feet (universe=9,000,000,000/ me=0)

1. no man (i.e Herman)

2. no money

3. no job.

the essential things a girl needs to live a complete somewhat happy/normal life…of course in my opinion.

-BUT- I have been down before even worse than right now. and so i shall come out of all this right? it always gets worse before it gets better. without rain there is no rainbow. without pain we cant truly appreciate pleasure. without darkness there is no light. withought uglyness there is no beauty. and without drama there is no peace.

so i choose to look at it that way starting today. does that mean from now on i will remain positive? haha no probably not. but it is a start. *deep sigh* ur teenage years are akward yet a thrilling rollercoaster of ups downs dips and lows. its a fun time…indeed. but ur 20’s…wow. its really the beginning of becoming the person u want to be, or were born to be. it isnt easy at all. there are a lot of doubts and there is a lot of stress. we all think that its gonna be easy but its not. MY 20’s have been difficult at best with a hint of excitment. for every good thing that has happend 2 bad things have happened. when will things balance out? no one has a perfect life but i would enjoy more good things than bad.

sorry i just had a lil pity party for myself. cause if i dont throw it who else will. sure i can lean on a couple of shoulders and they can give me sad eyes and warm smiles, and an i’m sorries but no one can see inside of me and no one can feel my ever growing insecurities, my excrusuating pain, and my worries and doubts. I love me i honestly truly do, but latley i havent been feeling complete like i usually do. and an even crazier thought that keeps poppin in my head even when i try to force it away is….

i want to have a baby!

*yesterday was my anniversary* HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME!