i wait.

i wanted to write something, but now it appears i have nothing to say. which isnt like me at all. but its hard to un-tangle a huge ball of emotions to try to make sense of it. so i dont even know. against by better judgement i answered HIS call lastnight. we spoke for about 3 minutes. it was my opprotunity to curse HIM out and get it all outta my system, but for some reason i didnt have the energy. i couldnt find the words. HE asked me about my date and i told HIM i didnt want to talk about it, and in turn HE was like HE wasnt gonna talk about HIS situation either. oh real mature. HE was pissed at me for whatever reason and i was pissed at HIM for all the obvious reasons. i told HIM HE made me this way and HE of course disagreed and told me when i find something to talk about to call HIM. so i got off the phone and plan on never calling HIM again. point blank. i said i would do this b4 but this time i just cant. im too hurt and embarrassed (?). so i cut ties and pray i fall into a safety net.

and so i was furious that HE couldnt read my mind and HE dismissed me the way HE did. so i took all the shit HE ever bought me, all the cards and poem HE wrote me, all HIS shirts i slept in, all HIS pictues and put them aside. and that included my army hat. and everyone knows how much i love my army hat. i thought it would make things easier to try to erase HIM that physically but the memories still haunt me and i wish they would just vanish. but whatever ya know. what can i do? ive done everything. and so i wait, until the sun shines again. til the birds sing again til something good happens. i wait