substitute

 im not the least bit depressed. im just chillen. goin with the flow. however i have come to the realization that I’m a "substitute" not meaning teacher, but the role i play as a woman in the world. watched the movie Elizabeth Town, which is another Garden State if u ask me (but both of them were good in the sense that they showed you how to look at the world through someone else’s eyes) and Kirsten’s character mentions how ppl like her and Orlando Bloom’s character were "substitute". meaning she wasnt a Veronica from Betty and Veronica and he wasnt a brad pitt. when u break it down she was saying she wasnt a super model or anything. she was just a girl. a girl that ppl end up settling for. and i think thats my role in this world…a "substitute"

 im not a Halle Berry or a Jennifer Lopez (those are the chicks men like these days right)? men aren’t beating down my door to get @ me. i have my moments where im cute, and on a very rare occasion i might be beautiful. but im not drop dead-break ur neck to catch a glimps-i cant breath-i just came in my pants gorgeous. im no one’s first pick. u wouldn’t see me in a crowd and want to know my story. but im there. im the girl standing behind the chick with the bouncy hair and long legs, bright smile, and hour glass figure. and im kool with that. doesn’t make me sad or anything like that. it was just a realization that hit me. i kinda like it. cause i dont have to worry about someone only liking me because im gorgeous. if u like me then i know u enjoy my personality. by being a "substitute" im not a smack in ur face. what i have to offer isnt so obvious. it gives me a chance to be cryptic which i enjoy. oh i really enjoy that. i just know that if we are tight like that its because u really wanted to get to know me. and that’s waaaaay more important to me.
 
i never fall for "substitutes". like right now. in the situation im in now, i wish i wouldn’t have gotten so close. it wasnt a rushed thing, kinda happened over about 8 years, but lately it has been rushed. sometimes ppl dont present themselves correctly and u get a false sense of who they are. doesn’t necessarily make them bad ppl but it does disappoint me. i thought it was going to be a totally different situation, and now im realizing that it wont be. perhaps a "substitute" can only really get with another "substitute" which is gonna suck cause i’ll have to lower my standards. hahaha. yeah that will happen. sometime i make myself laugh with the ridiculous things that pop in my mind. its like ur favorite CD that keeps playing and playing in ur CD player cause ur too lazy to take it out. u love the music but it just becomes so predictable…
 
i need to get laid