i wonder

When i was a kid i fell in love with janet jackson when i first saw the "pleasure principle" video. it was like my soul connected with the rest of my body and i KNEW i wanted to be a dancer. i watched and read anything that had to do with her and i convinced myself that one day i was gonna be a backup dancer for her. when i moved to VA i took dance classes and have been dancing since. that was my huge dream: to be a dancer.

but now im out of college and im 24 and the dance scene has changed. no one does choreography anymore besides like…..only Missy is coming to mind. everything eles is just shaking ur ass in the camera or all up on some friend of the lead rapper or singer. umm negative that is so not my scene. i love to dance i really do. i miss the stage like crazy but i dont wanna aspire anymore. i always felt i was destined for greatness. that my name would be in lights. that i would put my feet to a stage surrounded my thousands of people. or grace myself across the big screen is an oscar nominated movie. or have a star on the Hollywood sidewalk. thought i’d write this best selling novel-wait wait…i’m still gonna do that, hahaha, but now i know i dont need those things. (although i’d really like a star in hollywood…like really)

i knew who i was and what i wanted until i met HIM. HE changed my mind without saying anything. i didnt wanna be a girl, and pow look at me. the thing is i would give up my dreams to live a life with HIM. i’d learn how to cook. i’d hold HIS hand in public. i’ give up my life in New York. i’d do all the things i dont do and said i wouldnt do, not to win HIM over, but because i love HIM that much. I’d fucking learn to cook for HIM, anyone who knows me knows that that is major. all i want is to be settled and happy. to have a beautiful family to come home to and take care of. the fame and the money isnt important. is that how u know uve grown up? i wonder. now the life i want probably isnt in my future, but i think it is interesting how with a blink of ur eye someone can have such a dramatic change on u when u werent even looking for it.

wow