heat.wave

It seems to be one of those hot summer nights, when I just can’t sleep. I’m not sure why that is, but atleast I know one thing; The best way to fix it is to sit and write. Almost feels like I’m sitting back at home, at my old desk, in my old room… Staying up far too late, talking with old friends. I used to get phone calls at all hours of the morning/night, whatever you want to call it. I guess old habits die hard, because sometimes sleep is the last thing on earth I feel like doing. It doesn’t help much that I still don’t have a normal daily routine, I never know exactly when I’m going to be working. Every day of the week tends to blend in with the next, and the only way I differentiate a weekend from any other day is that Stephen is at home with me. I have someone to keep me company. We have fun on weekends, we go out and do things together. A lot of the time, it’s the only chance we’ve got to get chores done, pay bills and get groceries. Sometimes I miss the weekends we had back home, less responsibilities, more time spent with friends. We don’t have many friends around here… I find myself feeling lonely more often than not. And a lot of the time, I feel restless. I feel like I want to be out doing something, and yet I know there’s not much we can do on a small budget in a big city. Going out drinking doesn’t interest me anymore. Once in a while, I enjoy it..but it tends to get old fast, and to be honest, it’s just not the same around here. I miss being a “regular”, I miss that feeling of walking into a room and recognizing nearly every single face.

I’m happy here… It’s a challenge to live the way I want to live, it’s hard. No one ever said life was easy, and I’m slowly getting used to the fact. I enjoy feeling independant, getting up in the morning just waiting for any opportunity that might arise. I enjoy the fact that I’m starting over, so to speak. Creating a new life, in a new place, and becoming part of a new family. Sometimes I think I might cling to the past a little too much. I’m not sure whether it’s un-healthy, or just a comfort to me. I suppose only time can tell. I don’t doubt what I’ve got here, I don’t regret a single thing and I would never ever take anything back. I just hope I’ve got the strength to make it through the tough times, I pray for that.

Speaking of prayers… I quietly said grace before dinner tonight. It just sort of naturally occured, and then it hit me. I haven’t done that in ages, and I think that’s part of what’s been missing in my life. Since the Wedding, I haven’t set foot in a church, and I’m really beginning to miss it. Maybe that’s something I’ll have to work on.

Well I suppose that’s a long enough entry for tonight. There is plenty more I’d like to say, but I would also very much like to crawl into bed and cuddle up next to my husband and fall asleep. Goodnight ;o)

xox

.kristin.