feeling unloved(vent)

so you all know by now that my bf is somewhat of a douchebag sometimes…well most of the time

what annoys me among many things is that he never makes me feel special, he doesnt tell me that im beautiful, or compliment me at all, instead i get compliments from strangers, random ppl when i go out.

when i should be getting that from him, it doesnt mean much coming from a stranger.

hes just so insensitive, and has no idea what it takes to please a woman at all, i cant even remember the last time he complimented me… no wait, valentines day, the one day he feels obligated to get me something and complimented me on the dress i wore that day.

when we first started dating, he told me everything i wanted to hear, ill treat you like a queen.. blah blah blah.
5months later, he treats me more like the maid who serves the queen!

and dont get me started on the sex… =/ no satisfaction there..

why do i put with it?your probably thinking,  I think if emotions werent attached for me..if i wasnt in love with him of course it would be easy for me to walk away..

instead im still here… apart of me feels like if i leave him thinking that the grass is greener, i may end up finding someone even worse than him.

i mean hes not the worst guy ive ever been with, but he could be an out of work abusive cheating druggie like my cousin Andreas’ husband.

I guess im scared to take that risk right now, this is really the first relationship ive ever been in, thats lasted longer than 30 days, but i know in my heart he is not the one for me.

I would love to find something stable, longterm that would not only work for me but for my son as well, i dont believe in soulmates but if i could find someone who is alot more compatible and actually gives a damn that would be nice.

is it asking for much to want that happily ever after ending with someone, or does that only exist in the movies.

damn the notebook for giving me higher expectations..