Strike 2….

Well, I failed my second try, I didnt even make it out of the parking lot this time, i hit the curb when i parallel parked, and the stupidest thing i did was not try again, they give you 3 chances to pull up and try again, I misunderstood the instructor, so, i told him i wanted to keep going, i didnt know i was so close to the curb, your allowed to bump it, just not go over it, well, i hit the gas and up we went! I about died, so, i was done, in about 5 seconds i failed my test! im sure that cost me point anyway, so there wa no use continueing!

I cried and cried, and i got home, Michael i could see was disgusted and upset, he said to me last night "im not mad at you" and i told him that it didnt matter, i was mad at me enough for the both of us, im just so disgusted in myself..

I understand that they will extend my permit if i pay 5 dollars, but, I need a liscense by friday, thats when we are moving, and someone has to pull this car out of this driveway, Michael asked me lastnight what we are going to do, well, i dont know, we were planning on me passing the test…

I thought i would do so well, i could see myself driving that course, not crossing any lines, and i knew i could do the parallel parking because i did it the other day, perfectly! and turn signals is anothre big problem for me, why i cant remember them, i dont know!

I had the same instructor as i did on Tuesday, he was a totally different person yesterday, he was actually nice to me and joked around some, that caught me off guard, but, when i go over again this next tuesday, it will be a different instructor, my older sister said how nice he was, but, that doesnt matter, fail or pass is all up to me, im the one who is controlling the car, the instructor can be as nice as he wants, that wont pass me..

Yesterday the instructor told me i need to believe in myself, and that him or one of the other instructors will get me through this, but, this is my last chance, next tuesday, if i dont pass we are done, we have no way to move, talk about stress, and i think thats why i cant pass, theres just to much pressure on me, im trying to be as careful as i can to pass and i think thats messing me up…

I just dont know whats wrong with me, a 16 year old can pass that driving test, and here i am at 38 and cant! seems to me that theres something wrong with that!

I cant even eat, i got home lastnight, went right into my depression mode, couldnt look at Michael and i didnt want to talk to anyone, i still dont, im just so sick and tired! I havent even been able to mourn my little brother because i have driving on my mind, whats going to happen if i fail tuesday? and its not right, I loved my brother dearly and I need to mourn soon or ill just break down and i wont be any good to anyone..

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