If you don’t use it, you lose it.

Lesson: You know in your heart, you must.
 
I don’t write enough anymore.  I miss writing.  I miss having to write.  I miss writing assignments.  I miss school. 
 
I miss it so much that I’m considering going back to school.  I have until Nov 15th to decide, 2 weeks.  I’ve been thinking about it for much longer, but I’m still nervous.  I’m starting to realize that my dream of being a journalist may never come true.  Veterans are loosing their j-jobs nationwide.  Newspapers are closing, magazines are slowly dying and radio stations are combining jobs and working the employees that have like slaves.  What makes me think I can really make it in this industry when the 15+ years masters of their domain are getting fired?  Not to say that I am giving up on my dream, but I have to be realistic.  Especially if I want to continue living in West Virginia, journalism just isn’t booming here or anywhere else in the world for that matter.  So I have stepped out of denial and began thinking of a "Plan B." 
 
Then it hit me, I could be a teacher.  An English, writing, speech, oral communication, journalism reporting, student publications, marketing, or whatever teacher!  It seemed like a genius idea when it hit me weeks ago, but of course I dissected the thought and discovered several pros and cons.  I do know that I would like to teach older kids, obviously, start high school and hopefully move to become a college professor.  I don’t want to teach people how to keep their hands to themselves or how to use your inside voice.  I want kids with at least some kind of common since.  I think it would be a cool job where I get to read other peoples writings and help them to become better at this field I’m so passionate about.
 
But it’s not that easy.  Nothing is and there’s a certain reality that comes with everything.  This is a two year and a $10,000 commitment (con).  But it is affordable and it is all online except for 2 classes (pro), so if I kept my job now I could just pay for it out of pocket instead of taking out more student loans (pro).  The last semester of the program is 12 weeks of student teaching so I’d have to quit my job or take a leave of absence (con/pro) but hopefully when that time comes I would at least have 15-20 days, depending how many I use, in my vacation balance to cash out (pro). 
 
I have a decision to make.  In six months the lease is up on our apartment.  I told Mark if I couldn’t find a good job here in one year, then I wanted to move, anywhere.  Bottom line, I need a future and right now I don’t see one here besides the fact I think this is a nice place to live.  That isn’t enough.  So we talked last night, but there were more questions then answers.  We/I have to start planting roots somewhere, but how do you know where? 
 
Then my biggest worry is making the same mistake twice.  I already "did the right thing."  I went to college, I earned a degree, I have experience but when it comes down to it, it means nothing.  It did nothing for me.  A waste of time.  I don’t want to be stuck in the same position I am now after yet another commitment to a degree program and yet another $$$$$$$ down the drain. 
 
My dad suggested I become a teacher for years, but I wanted more.  I felt that degree was limiting, and I guess it is but it isn’t all in the same.  I could live being a teacher.  No, it may not have been my first choice of careers, but it’s livable.  I could do it.  I think about it a lot and I’ve gotten lots of advice from friends, family, retired teachers, and everyone says something different.  I guess no one will know what is right for me besides me, and I’m working on it.  I’m just so damn nervous.  I don’t want to be a fool in the end.  I just want to be successful, I just want a career, I just want to live and be happy!