Feeling very blaaaaaah lately

I think I’m going to start taking boatloads of vitamin D. I always kind of laughed at the whole vitamin D movement since they really don’t know exactly what it does. But Phil has always sworn I have SAD and I guess it makes sense that could play a part since we don’t exactly get much sun here in New England in the winter time. Every time I think to buy some I don’t have the HSA card on me and I’d rather spend someone else’s money rather than my own. I already bought like $30 of supplements last month without even thinking of the HSA.

Holy boring alert.

It’s after midnight and I’m drinking a deliciously tall glass of diet double fudge soda with chocolate coconut vodka and it’s fantastic. It was a bad bad bad night of work, so busy. Day shift had someone go home early and was super backed up, plus all the FLUS! Apparently parts of the start are considered in epidemic right now? Or something like that. We’re definitely seeing a ton of flu this year, though, makes me glad we all got the shot. One of my positives tonight was a kid Riley’s age 🙁

I’m going to finish this drink and Sam is going to wake up, that should be fun. We only had the one 5ish AM wake up for forever, but now we’ve added 2 AM. I know we’re entering a growth spurt so I’m cutting him some slack (plus he’s barely nursing during the day) but I liked solid hours of sleep. Though at this age Riley was up 12-2, 12-4, 2-4….she’d wake up and just not go back to sleep so I shouldn’t complain.

I have too much to cover.

My birthday kind of sucked, I still get sad thinking about it. None of my before kids friends showed up like they said, a couple canceled right before. My mom friends never even responded (and didn’t show) and when my coworkers finally got there they left less than an hour later to go to a different bar. I should have seen it coming, one of them texted me and told me the bar was lame and we should go somewhere else. But I wanted to do karaoke. The worst part was my sis and I came back from singing and everyone was gone. Only Jeff was still there and he only stayed behind to tell me where they were headed. They went to the hookah bar and I really didn’t want to go there. Then I cried a lot on the way home because I was drunk and felt like a loser with no friends. Phil actually called Jeff and reamed him, Jeff supposedly thought I was in on the whole venue change and sent me a 3 page apology text, but I was pretty down about the whole thing for the following week or so.

On the plus side guided meditation started up again that week and she focused on forgiving those in your life who needed it, forgiving yourself, and letting go. It was actually really nice. A few of us stayed after and she gave us all a copy of her sleep meditation CD normally sold in the store. We talked about doing a group for those of us with anxiety, but ironically the thought made me anxious as talking to people (ie: social anxiety) is my issue.

Sam decided to wake at 12:30 for something new and different. Dare I hope we can skip 2 AM now? Good thing I’d only taken a few sips of my drink, guess I better pound it now 😛 I had to pause Supernatural because every time someone yelled Sam, which they seem to be doing a lot this episode, he whipped around to stare at the TV. Guess he knows his name lol.

We had Sam’s baptism this month, because what December needed was more going on. I had to swap my weekend to work in order to have the baptism off so I ended up working the weekend before Christmas, that was stressful. But we all survived. Never again will we be traveling Christmas Eve into Christmas Day. I was so stressed about all the stuff we had to pack in addition to all the presents, food for the open house, Santa stuff I was terrified Riley was going to see. Not worth it. She didn’t really get the Santa thing this year, anyway. If you ask her what he brought she just says presents and looks kind of confused when we say he brought her kitchen. Oh well, she loved the darn thing no matter who it came from.

After all the stress of planning Christmas Phil was nice enough to stay at my parents’ and put the kids to bed while I went to my grandma’s and visited with my cousins and uncles. No kids, plenty of Jack, it was a good time. I wonder if taste in alcohol can be genetic, we all (cousins, uncles, siblings) drink Jack. And it’s not like we grew up with it in the house or anything, weird.

I’m the fattest fatty fatty on the block right now. I’m still like 20 lbs from my heaviest weight, but hit 200 again and I feel all OMG DON’T LOOK AT ME. Ugh. I never hated my body back then, I wonder why. My lowest weight before having kids was in the 145 range and I guess after seeing what that was like now I’m all body conscious. I’m seriously depressed about it, but I’ve fallen deep into old habits. Must stop binging. I swear one of these days I’m going to overeaters anonymous, even when I lost all the weight I felt like all I ever thought about was what I was eating and what I was not eating. It’s so constantly obsessive.

Sketchy Steve told me I’m hot, though, lol. That was sadly the highlight of my birthday. He saw my sister for the first time and asked if that was her, in my tipsy state I responded with "Yes, sorry I’m not as hot as she is" lol. He told me I’m hot, but I’m married so he can’t do anything about it. Thanks for the boost sketchy Steve. Tonight I was feeling all emo at work and left out, but then he called me hun a couple times and I felt special again. I guess he’s good for some things.

I got invited to Jeff’s surprise 30th birthday….by his girlfriend. I saw I had a message from her on Facebook and was all OMG WHAT DID I DO?? Because she scares me a little. I have mixed emotions on the fact she contacted me in this manner. At first I was all ehhhhh it must have been a bunch of us, but no. It was me and like 3 other people and she wants me and some other chick to be in charge of inviting our coworkers. She knows all our coworkers, she hangs out with them more than I do I think. I’m overly creeped out by this lol. What does it meeeeeean?

I wonder if I can copy and paste pictures here from another forum. I’m too lazy for pictures right now otherwise….

Christmas Eve

Christmas Morning

Christmas Day

 
Yaaaaaay it worked!
 
I need to go pass out, this entry has lacked unity. Goodnight OD!