I used to be young

And somewhat thin and pretty. I feel like pregnancy sucks all that out of me. Basically I look like I feel – tired. People keep telling me I look great and I laugh. I look pale and tired and I swear I have more gray hairs than ever. I think the not thinness thing is self explanatory lol. Though I’m nowhere near looking pregnant. I asked my mom today when she thought people would be able to tell and she was like I have no idea, you look really good. Because yeah, still haven’t told many people. I don’t know what my issue is. I told my boss last week to pave the way for a Facebook announcement, but I just haven’t felt like it. Basically my boss and 2 coworkers know. And moms group.

So I’m 15 weeks. I felt kicks for the first time today. Well, maybe more nudges, but it was more than flutters. I can’t wait for the active days, that’s the best part, at least until the end. It wasn’t great when DD was moving her 8 lbs around at 3 AM. At my first midwife appointment I was only 10 weeks so the heartbeat was really faint, but it was loud and proud today. She just kept saying "Listen to that baby go!" lol. Next appointment is the anatomy scan, scheduled for November 8th 😀 All the old wives tales point to girl right now, but of course that means nothing. As usual I have no feeling either way.

My grandmother died Monday 🙁 It was expected – she wasn’t so much physically ill as depressed and ailing mentally. After my grandpa passed a few years ago my parents moved her to a nursing home down close to them because she wasn’t taking care of herself and I think she was just ready. I’m being a horrible daughter/granddaughter and not going to the funeral 🙁 They’re having it way up north where what’s left of her family is so it’s a 6 hour drive from my house. Phil is traveling this week so if we left tomorrow it would be without him and basically I’d be driving 12 hours in 2 days with a toddler. Who’s sick on top of everything else. Instead Riley and I are going to go to my parents’ when they get home at the end of the weekend and make a nice dinner for them, maybe some of my dad’s favorite cookies, so I can at least be there some for him.

Oooooh, I just started Jersey Shore, I forgot the cliffhanger last week! Oh Snook.

The one nice thing about Phil being gone is I’ve had plenty of time to work on Christmas gifts. My parents’ is the most complicated (for a non crafty person like me) but I’ve at least painted all the parts and drilled (I think) all the holes. I’m also almost done Riley’s wooden matching dolls. I use the term dolls loosely, they’re painted wooden pins. I also got Phil’s stocking stuff this week since R was sick and we couldn’t do playgroup, I’m REALLY trying to spread it all out because it has been tight financially with the house, then the $800 we put into Phil’s car, and we just had to get oil. I remember when I used to spend $100 per person, now we’re down to like $20. But it’s worth it!

So get this, Jeff was going hiking with an EX GIRLFRIEND this week. I’m not sure I was able to hide my outrage. My friend flat out asked him what the deal was and what his girlfriend thought – he said she didn’t love the idea, but didn’t forbid it. So exes are okay, but not female coworkers. He said, very pointedly, that depending on the situation he wouldn’t do it if she really insisted he not because compromise is part of a relationship even when it sucks. I rolled my eyes lol. Luckily I was looking at the TV and not him. He changed his hours again, so no more every other weekend, probably a good thing.

OMG I got my flu shot today and my arm is KILLING ME. The lady wouldn’t let me just roll my sleeve up because it was too tight so I had to half strip in employee health, not cool.

Ummmm, Situation just told a bunch of people at the club he’d eat them. Why do I watch this show?

Alright, I’m really tired and need to go to bed. If I stay up too late Phil will be home (he said around midnight) and then I’ll be up even later listening to him talk. One more day and I can sleep in, I cannot WAIT. 6:30 my kid was up this morning, ugh.