yuck

feeling fat and angry right now.

angry at my bf or myself? why though? kinda hard to pinpoint at this exact moment. I asked my boyfriend. "do you want to do something this weekend?" pretty straightforward right? answer I get back: "i’m gonna try and do some reading and homework, but I have no other plans" What the heck am I supposed to do with that? is that a yes? or a no?

so friday, i call to tell him that a gift card that i had gotten for him through a credit card had arrived. he told me that he was out to dinner with his roommates (fine. whatever)

and then. I’m returning a camera, which I loved, and was highly resistent to returning, becaused i LOVED it. but everyone i consulted said, return it, it was crapload of money, and you want to make sure that sucker works and have NO DOUBTS (it was shipped, the box it arrived in was pretty smashed up). I figured I would need some moral support because this was NOT something I wanted to do. bf said he’d go along. it rained last weekend, so i figured i’d do it this weekend, but since he had other things to do (the reading and homework ,so i figured) i decided I could be brave and go it alone. it was pretty stressful. mostly because i didn’t want to do it, and because it was a pretty big ticket item, there were alot of things that had to happen to return it. and while that was going on, the line for returns got waaaay long. which of course, stressed me out more. they could only give me my refund in cash, so MORE stress. that’s a crapload of cash, so then i was stressing about if my bank would still be open for me to immediately deposit so i called bf. who eventually called back, and looked it up and thankfully told me that things would still be open (whew, i did now want all that cash on me until monday).

but then he proceded to tell me i’m going to this bbq for my roommate, i’ll probably only stay an hour or so (so…around like 3/4 he’d be back), wanna get dinner. i said. fine. stupid stupid stupid stupid me. so, 6 rolls around still no word. I called him, left voicemail, i’m hungry. i’m eating without you. he calls back. yeah. i’m still here, probably best for you to go ahead and do that. gee thanks. that probably would’ve been helpful a little bit earlier. what’s stupid is that when he said he was only staying for an hour, the tiny voice in my head said…yeah. right. i knew this was gonna happen

why  am i still with this guy?why am i so stupid.