I’ve not written in a while…

Well, Dad got home from Poland. I was off work for two months and my supervisor is still the same uptight *cencored* there is.

But what caused me to write is that I feel that I must defend myself.

A friend sent me to a pro-ana site, and despite my misgivings I started to look. I came across a message that upset me more than I thought I could be considering my weight.

This person was talking about today’s society and how ‘fat’ is viewed and what is ‘beautiful’.

<fat is seen as no will power, no success, complete failure>

I don’t know why, but I was sitting there crying. There are people out there who have no real control over their weight.

I have a reproductive problem. I’ve cysts on my ovaries, so they don’t function properly. I’m basically in a constant state of PMS, that includes the bloating, the water retention.

No matter what I do, no matter how much exercise I get, or how much I restrict my diet, I cannot get below 155lbs. Fine. That’s it. I cannot achive the goal that doctors set for my height and age.

It upsets me that people seem to equate someone who is fat with someone with no will power.

It is seriously upsetting to see people starve themselves, knowing that it’s dangerous… *shaking head* and then make a broad assumption that people who are larger, are at fault themselves.

Like I stated above, it is not an intentional act of eating McDonnalds every day, it’s not that I don’t exercise, it’s not that I don’t even watch what I’m eating. This problem is an act of nature, a fact of genetics.

I try. I try and try and try to work my weight down to a nicer size. I’m successful in college, I’m good at my job at VSD, I’m successful with my life with my boyfriend…

*cries* I am not a complete failure.