Rugby Formal

I must say it was an eventful night… I was so excited… my outfit was banging, I was cool with who i was going with and it was going to be a fun night… and for the mosyt part it was. for a hundred bux the music was to be expected for who the DJ was, the venue was to be expected since its one of the only places in town to allow under age drinking and an open bar all night… but the most interesting part was after it was over…

Jihan and I hav been flirting for like the past month and things have not gone past a bat of the eyes or a flirtatious smile… but through a text (lol) she told me she has a crush on me and wanted to know if i felt the same way. Of course it made me smile, but i was forced to be honest with her. No i did not flat out tell her I have a girlfriend but i did tell her that I have something with someone that I am not ready to leave.

I dont know. I think things will be interesting now. She was like " your cool to hang out with so it doesnt change things." I only half believe that. There is a big difference in flirting with someone and having a chance and flirting with someone and knowing you don’t have a chance. It changes the dynamic of things.

I was pissed at the end of the night because the whole time she wouldnt dance with me. She gets really shy… but she is NOT shy. And I could tell dancing with me would mean more than just a dance for her. So I was pissed… I wanted to dance…

Not to mention I could not keep my eyes off of Achilles. I had so many opportunities to tell her how I feel but I was like that’s awkward. I am here with a date ( although last night that did not matter because there was so much state swapping), and I have a girlfriend… so i kept my comments and (feelings) to myself. I got a couple of pics with her…

My mind is still so scattered about last night… I think about Jihan but then I don’t. I am not that intersted in her but she is here and that gives me something to do but I am somewhat past the point of just going after girls for something to. Not to mention that I already know she likes me so it wouldnt be thta much more difficult to fully hook her in. I know her style, and she loves my charming ways… lol… but seriously… shes really nice and we have a fair amount in common. I will say I do like her, but not the way i usually do. I havent really found someone like that since Felisha, you know. Its paralyzing when you have something that good, or meet someone and fall that hard. Tough act to follow you know.

What I was thinking about earlier today was how I moreso miss who I was when I firts met Felisha. I loved that perosn. I am really trying to get back to being that person while still moving forward. Its hard but a goal for me. I have grown but i think my values then were awesome. I love myself, and I love the understanding of who I am. Its a wonderful feeling.

I love me… I really do, and its just a going to take time and motivation to get to where I want to be but I am on my way… WOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO