Dedicated to her…

It’salmost been a year now. And I admit that during the beginning of our departure it was raining. The sky was dark with thick black clouds, the rain beat its incessant rhythm against the windows of my heart, cracking them all. And I had to crawl to find all the pieces and when I found them, the superglue was in your hands but you were long gone with your new woman. So for a while I held the brokenhearted parts in my palms and let the rain fall. And watched as the lightening played betweens the clouds of my self-doubt.

But now I’ve finally stopped blaming myself, at least I try to…I’ve stopped blaming myself for you walking out of my life and not being my wife. I know I can’t change what happened; I know it’s not totally my fault that our dry beautiful road became so wet… I had to move on. I can’t live in the past, but sometimes I feel like I can’t let you go… and everyone knows because it shows. I guess it is because you were my first love. The one who helped me put my playa’s card up. You showed me how to give a real hug, be affectionate, shut the fuck up, and just bask in the Beauty of Love. Now my heart is filled with nothing but love and love is all that I can think of…I’ve just forgotten how to show love so it automatically becomes tainted even if I say it and mean it…Yet I do not regret experiencing it or better yet experiencing it from you… and for that I will always be thankful.

I’m learning how to…
Wake up without your kisses on my forehead
I’m learning how to…
Shower with nothing but the warmth of the water washing my back
I’m learning how to…
Dance in the club all alone to my own tune (inside my head of course because I have two left feet)
I’m learning how to…
Fall asleep at night without you by my side
I’m learning how to…
Cut the photographs of you and I out of my mind’s eye
I’m learning how to…
Smile and laugh at my own jokes (which happen to not be funny at all)
I’m learning how to…
Control my temper and talk instead of get mad and violent
I’m learning how to…
Not take time shared for granted
I’m learning how to…
Love without being expected to do so
I’m learning how to…
Be a better me than I used to be
I’m learning how to…
Fall without being afraid
I’m learning how to…
Live my life without your love…
I’m learning how to…
Breathe…