Update

So the spots on my moms brain were an infection and she has to take some pretty heavy medications and then go back in to have it checked again soon. If it does not go away on it’s own they will have to do surgery. So we’ll see what happens.

I appreciate all the kind words that everyone had, thanks. I think the reason I was so upset was not because I was afraid of losing my mom, but because I knew that if she died my family would have to feel that loss again. We’ve lost too many already and I just don’t know how much more we can take. With the talk of the possibilities lately it has made me think about my dad a lot, and that always brings me down. It also reminded me of how tough it was to lose my sister, step-dad and my brother all in less than a year and how hard it was to hold my family together. Everyone else went into drunken or drug induced denial while I was left to take care of everything. Right now I can’t afford to pay for a funeral and I can’t emotionally handle trying to keep everyone in my family together during that again. It also made me think about my ex and how she was there when my dad died, when my sister died, when my step dad died, when my brother died and when my grandfather died. A lot of complicated emotions all because my mom can’t take care of herself. The doctor told her that a big part of why he is in the shape she is in is because she smokes two packs a day and drinks more than any three college frat boys. They said the infection in her throat came from constant smoking and since it wasn’t treated it began to spread. She’s killing herself and it seems like I’m the only one who notices or says anything about it. When I do say something everyone gives me that bullshit about “Alcoholism is a disease, she can’t help it.” Well you know what, you can help it. She can make the decision NOT to work in a bar and spend ALL of her time there. She can make the decision to NOT spend all her time with other people who can’t function without a drink in their hand. Every person has the ability to decide what goes into their body. Sure it will be really tough to kick it, but hell at least try!

Anyway, I’m done with this entry. It was supposed to be a quick update and turned into a rant. Sorry. I’ll be back soon with a fun entry I am working on.

See ya.