House/Guys/My Cat

HOUSE: 

OK so at the moment I’m at my boss flat…I know how strange it sounds 😉 but she actually asked me to stay over while she and her husband are away in States. The office I work in, is just next door so I can do my hours work while I’m living here.

When she asked me that I didn’t want to come, too much hassle I thought. But on Saturday morning my parents had a massive argument (about a silly thing) and in the middle of that argument I felt that I need a small break and my boss invitations was more than appealing! I texted my boss and she was more than happy, some fed ex boxes are coming this morning so it was also convenient to her that I’m here!

So, here I am, in the nice flat in the very centre of London 😉

GUYS: 

Gosh….there is this guy in the church…each time I looked into his direction I saw him staring. It’s been a year now, and I’ve never put too much thought into that mainly because he is much older than me and I thought that for sure he couldn’t be interested in me!

I don’t know how old he is, but for sure he is 50 or 50-something.

I didn’t know him so I didn’t care.

However, on Saturday night after the church I went to the pub, the one we always come to after the church. I sat in the corner with two people, and he came to the pub, with his friend whom I know a bit. So, his friend came over to us and asked if they can join us….I wasn’t even surprised….my intuition told me that he did it in purpose. Anyway, the guy I knew asked me if I know Michael (ok so his name is Michael) so now I know him.

He sat next to me and we had a chat, he was quite interested in what I do etc. was a bit nervous too….I didn’t know how to behave, I was polite and normal, and I hope I didn’t sent any messages that will make him think I was interested. Yet with guys it’s difficult to understand how they see our behaviour. Unfortunately I agreed with my friend that we will come on Sunday to the meeting, and he said that he will come too! ups.

So, he came. My reaction was a bit nervous, I got worried he will ask me my number or something, and how I supposed to reply politely to him that no I don’t want to give you my number…?

I thought that maybe I imagine things, maybe he was just a nice person who wants to meet people…but my intuition told me something else, and I’m not that naive too, not any more.

So yes, I was right, he came to the meeting. After the meeting I just wanted to vanish with my friend, unfortunately my friend went to the toilet so I had to wait for her…I saw him walking around, talking to someone, but again I felt he is looking at me. I was so desperate not to talk to him that I took out my mobile and started to check my messages, even if I didn’t need to. I was pressing the bottoms, my mobile hidden in my bag when I heard one girl I know, saying; ‘Ula, you are invited for a dinner’ I lifted my head and saw him next to her. He was cooking a dinner at his house for some people and asked if I can come too, the girl was coming so it sounded very casual, but come on I only met him yesterday!

I started to say something that it’s nice but I have arranged something with my friend, that she wants to talk and I promised her we will go somewhere to talk etc. but I will ask her how she feels about this.

When my friend came I tried to send her some message with my face, so she will now not to agree to go with them, he was standing next to us…waiting, I told her that we have been invited for a dinner but I didn’t want to make any decision without her, as I know I promised her we will go somewhere to talk….I underlined the last sentence. I saw my friend struggling a bit, trying to figure out whether I want to go or not, but finally she said: Ok maybe next time. He said something about next weekend….ohh!

I don’t know if he and his friend see that he is much older than me. I mean I don’t have anything against being with someone older, in fact I always preferred older man, but you need to know this person first to go out with him. Even when you do dating online and you don’t know a guy you are going out with, at least you know his age!

I don’t know why always older guys asking me out? OK Giovanni was only 13 years older than me, John asked me out several times and he is 16 years older, now Michael. In the past I was often asked out by older guys too….do I unconsciously sent some messages to them? I know I was always looking for a father figure in guys, I know that there is a part of me which was always lacking a father, this is my history, so maybe I do sent some messages without even knowing it!

This Michael is a problem though, I don’t know how to politely let him know that I’m not interested…? Anyway!

MY CAT: 

My mum doesn’t want to give me my cat back…OK at this moment I don’t have any place to take my cat to. However, on Saturday after the fight with my dad she said that I can’t take Shema. Shema is happy there, she has a garden, she can goes out and in all the time, there is always someone at home etc….and then she added ”and she helps me in ‘all this’ ” when she said ‘all this’ she made a gesture with her hand showing around the house, so I guess she meant my dad! gosh….I know that my mum is a very sensitive person, a bit depressed and attention seeker, a bit like a child actually. She has always been like this. She is looking for affections and she founds them in my cat. Well the truth is that Shema likes my mum very much. My dad usually goes to bed at 10 pm (and he wakes up at 4am!!!!!) my mum goes to bed at 1am earliest! So at nights when she does something or watches TV Shema stays with her, often seats next to her and looks at what my mum, watching what my mum is doing etc. So, my mum got attached to m

y cat very much, and I can see that my cat does help her, it’s therapeutic for her. When my mum calls my sister she tells her about Shema, what has she done etc. I don’t have heart to take my cat from her now! I agree that with me Shema often stayed at home alone, there was always a problem with her going out, and it still will be a problem because I want to find a flat higher a bit, like 1st floor….but it breaks my heart….it’s my cat, and it’s very painful to let her go. I know it’s only a cat, some of my friends even laugh at me when I speak like this, but I’m sure people who have animals understand what I’m talking about!

My mum said she will get me a dog, small dog, haha but I think if Shema will stay with my mum I won’t take any animal again. Not now, not with my life when nothing is certain, when I’m so unstable.

Anyway, there are still few months with Shema, she is so sweet, she comes to my bed, I wonder if she is going to miss me? Probably she will forget that I have spent with her 4 years….cats are different than dogs, so she will be OK.

I have still a few months to get used to the fact that I don’t have a cat any more.