On Friendship

Lots of things are going on right now, one of them is my best best friend’s wedding. She is getting married in Washington city and for me that’s a problem….

So, I decided I won’t go as I have to save money this year for my sister’s wedding and I need to save money for the pilgrimage to Brazil in 2013(if I manage to go, and I really want to!) so there is a lot of money to be saved etc. and I don’t earn much these days.

So on Friday I went with my friend to the concert, (it was a classical concert my tutor was playing solo that’s why I wanted to go) However, I also wanted to talk with my friend face to face and tell her I won’t come for her wedding. So, when after the concert we went to the pizzeria I told her about my plans, that I will visit her in States but later…gosh she got so upset that she stopped talking to me! In the middle of a dinner! I thought that was such a childish behaviour so I ignored it…and kept on being ‘normal’ however, at some point I got too upset. I think I’ve never been that mad at her before, for treating me like that…like stop talking to me??? and as I’m never able to keep my emotions inside the next day I emailed her telling how her silly behaviour made me feel etc.

OK, she apologised but she kept on saying that she is disappointed that I haven’t even tried…and after a bunch of texts I sort of understood how upset she feels.

The problem is that her fiancé isn’t a perfect guy…I mean it, he is spoilt and self-centered, they have had ups and downs all the time, they disagree at many things, they are very different and many times she kept saying she is not happy….and she even hoped that something will happen and they will change their minds about getting married…can you believe? I can’t even tell, how many times I was telling her not to marry him if she is not sure, of course nobody can be 100% sure about anything BUT is it true that when you are getting married you should at least feel in your heart that you are doing the right thing?

Anyway, she is aware of what she is doing, yet beside all the problems…constant problems she is still getting married, I guess she has made her mind. However, that is one of the reasons why she needs me there so desperately…I don’t think she will be that upset that I can’t come if she was entirely happy and confident with her fiancé ….but because she feels a bit lost and scared she needs me there to pray for her.

However, that situation also shows me how strong our friendship is.

I know that….we’ve been through a lot together and as friends we always found a refuge and help in each others presence, advice etc. We’ve been friends for more than 10 years now, non stop.

So, I decided that I can’t ignore it, take her wedding easy and just decide that I won’t come. I decided to try to get that horrible visa…not sure they will give it to me, but if they do then I will put all my savings into it and go…..I think I take people for granted..sometimes I behave like I was sure that we will ALL be here next year and another year etc…..and maybe yes we will….but the death of Whitney Houston showed me that all I have is NOW I don’t have tomorrow nor yesterday only this moment and people at this moment. I know it’s an old school…so many people repeat that…but somehow it’s so difficult to live it, at this moment.

I’m now happy that I’ve made my decision to try to get that visa and really hope I would be able to be at my best friend’s wedding!