April 13, 2003

leftover unposted rant…

Oh, crap what a shitty day Wednesday was

The DVD I was gonna show in class fell out of my bag in the car, leaving me with NOTHING to do. Class, as a result, sucked. It rained all fucking day no umbrella. I took my glasses off in the rain, went to put them in my shirt pocket, they caught on my lapel and fell onto the sidewalk, knocking a giant chip out of the middle of the left lens. The wife is ranting and raving around the house, cuz her new client is making her edit in WordPerfect, and its fucking up in all sorts of perplexing ways. Then she spent all night having crying hissy fits because the baby wouldnt sleep

The baby thing fuck Im experiencing a lot of barely-contained-hostility on that front. And if it ever boils over, there is going to be real trouble. Because I can sense that my wife is feeling like Im not being supportive enough, but I just cant be because every time she starts bitching and crying about how tired she is or complaining about breastfeeding, its all I can do to not start fucking screaming at her Gee, its too fucking bad there wasnt someone around spending a fucking year trying to talk you out of the stupid idea of having another fucking kid, isnt it. And yeah maybe Im a huge asshole for feeling that way, but I cant fucking help it. All of a sudden, Im living a life that I didnt choose for myself and Im fucking miserable half the time, and it pisses me off. And I knew this was going to happen, and I told her this was going to happen. All the feelings Im having now are the feelings I was AFRAID I was going to have a year ago, and that she just completely fucking dismissed. So why the fuck should *I* start caring about *her* fucking feelings now?

Nothing more healthy than sublimated anger, huh?

Im just. So. Fucking. Tired.

Jadia Cole

April 15, 2003

Having a new baby is tough on everybody, especially the emotional and financial part of it. I’m sorry that you feel the way you do though, perhaps you are acting on how you perceived yourself acting sort of a self-prophecy. Also, I’m sure the lack of attention your wife is giving you might have it’s toll as well.

(Cont.)Those who can post can not note, those who could note couldn’t post. I guess the Jackhammer Jackoff did his work very well, unfortunately, I’m the only one who apparently saw him yesterday.

*Self-fulfilling prophecy is what I meant, not self-prophecy. I thought it looked a bit weird, sorry about that.

Oh yes, you don’t genuinely feel that way, you thought you’d feel that way so you made yourself feel that way. What a crock :-P. I’m with you. I can’t imagine being stuck with one of those crying poopsacks against my will. :- I feel for ya…wish I had some brilliant advice or something.