Stuff

Yesterday was okay. I’m not sure if the St. John’s wort is finally, blessedly starting to set in, or if I’m just experiencing some upswing in my mood, but I felt a bit better. I went running like I normally do, now, but forgot to change my shoes. I did still finish, but my feet and shins hurt a good bit afterwards. I’m glad I still did it, but wish I had remembered to change my shoes. It does make a huge difference. I had a salad and some ramen for lunch, which was nice, and read a bit of my book. I got to go home on time, which was a nice change of pace. In the evening, I got within 10 minutes of finishing my audiobook, and listened to it a bit until Megan came home, when I resigned myself to finishing it today. Megan was really hungry, so we made a hamburger helper stroganoff, since it would be the fastest thing we could make. We had that and leftover Brussels sprouts. Megan tried to wash the seasoning off of hers, and it was not particularly effective. They weren’t super-great, either. I think they are best enjoyed in a medley of other roasted vegetables, since they are a bit intense by themselves. Still, we ate them, and there is only a little left. Anyhow, once dinner was ready, we ate and watched the remainder of Raising Hope, which was nice, and then the first episode of Chuck, which I hadn’t seen before. Megan did some of her crocheting while we watched, and I snuggled with kitties. We tried to go to bed at a reasonable time, but instead of being early, it just ended up being on time, since Megan tried to get up early today.

We did wake up then, but she was slow in getting ready. I did what I could to help, but felt a little frustrated about the fact that this arrangement leaves my desire for free time subject to her whims, while hers is mostly unaffected. Still, she did end up leaving about a half an hour early, so I tried not to dwell on it, and played my game, instead. I didn’t get a ton of stuff done, but I did manage to do a quest or two, and some inventory work. I liked getting at least some time for it, and enjoyed it while I could… perhaps a bit too much. I was about 15 minutes late leaving, and might have made it to work only a similar amount of time late, but I ran into traffic from police having pulled people over in a couple of places, so I was a half an hour late, instead. I did manage to finish my book, at least, and am thinking of purchasing the next one in the sequence this evening. I had an extra podcast, since the Druidcast came out today, so I listened to that, and enjoyed the change of perspective that it offered. Work has been okay. There was a health fair today, and I got some swag, as well as some information about health plans that I will have to check out to see what would be most beneficial for me. My run was good, and I again finished the whole thing, which is pretty good, since it is day 4 of 5. I think I’m making good progress there. I did my planking last night, and the jump in time was significant, and rather difficult. I made it through, but it was rough, and I finally realized that I am halfway through the program in terms of days and am at 2 minutes, but working towards 5 minutes, so the rest of this is just going to get harder. I am noticing that all of this running and planking and whatnot is having an effect… albeit a minor one. I have lost maybe two pounds. I suspect I might have lost more if I hadn’t been eating so much. People have told me I look like I have lost weight, though… and I most likely have lost a fairly significant amount of fat, and replaced it with muscle. Most of that is in my legs and butt, though. I can’t see my butt, but I can feel muscle in it now, which has never happened before. As much as all of this is really challenging, a struggle to get myself to do, and not terribly effective at fighting my depression, it is having some good effects. It is nice to see some results, even if they were not quite the ones I was expecting.

Last night, Megan wanted to talk about moving. Specifically, she was interested in applying for jobs at the arsenal near where she grew up and buying her parents’ house there, since they are going to sell the house and move to Florida. I’m not specifically opposed to it, but I have some reservations. For one, it would be weird to live in that house, since it would remain "her parents’ house" for some time. Second, I don’t think there would be many job opportunities for me in that area. One of the main employers in the area is the Army, and I remain uncomfortable with the idea of working for the Army. She is excited by the idea, because she knows the area and has friends there. After all this time, I know the area reasonably well, and I like her friends, but also think more about what we would be giving up, here. If we moved there, we wouldn’t get to see Matt and Ryan as often, which would be disappointing for me, and I would have to make a pretty big effort to get a D&D game together. It might be that it would be very nice there, but I would miss what we would be leaving behind, as well. I tried to make it clear that I’m not closing off that possibility. If she got a good job there, it might work out just fine… but I’m still a bit iffy on it. After that, she wanted to try to help me figure out something that I would like doing… since I’m not particularly happy with the job I have now, and can’t really think of something I would rather do. She has been thinking about moving since the opportunity she thought she would have here has sort of dried up, and she doesn’t see a future with the office where she is now. She asked me about whether I would like to try to take massage classes, which I have talked about before. I declined. I don’t really see a future there, any more. I don’t know if it might be from the weather getting colder and my hands being out while I am running, but I am finding increasing stiffness and soreness in my hands and wrists, and I think that is not a good sign when considering embarking on a journey to become a massage therapist, since it means my time is limited. I think massage is good, and I have a gift for it, but I don’t think I can make it my vocation. Perhaps training in it might reduce the strain that it takes on my hands. They might be able to teach me to do it in ways that are easier on my hands than what I am doing… but it just doesn’t seem like a good sign. The conversation didn’t end with a satisfying conclusion. I’m sure it will continue in the future.

Despite that, my mood is much improved today. I almost feel like I could pursue some of my activities a bit more. Perhaps I will play the guitar this evening, or maybe try to find something else I would like to do… perhaps I’ll have a try at drawing again. Then again, maybe that’s not a good idea. I may be a little to close to depression still to deal with how rusty I will be at drawing. The guitar might be okay, though.

This idea I have had for a grand D&D campaign is starting to take shape. I have had ideas from it brewing for over a year, now, and I think it’s finally starting to come together. I should really start w

riting some of it down. I’m still not sure how or when I would present it. I guess if we were to move, then I could start a new game… assuming I ever even got anything together. I guess I can deal with that when it happens, and just enjoy creating a little world for its own sake, whether or not I actually end up running a game in it. I have been considering trying a different game, as well. I guess I’ll just wait and see.