Philip II

Philip II of Spain had the courage to take on the heretical Protestants.

I’m sorry but the ads on this page are becoming so annoying that I can’t think seriously here. Maybe it’s just an excuse but today they are distracting beyond belief. I’ve got a fetus to the side and a crazy cartoon character on the top.

OH well let me just ramble. I cleaned my room at the high school (or the room I share). Ownership really does give people more motivation to succeed. THere’s a reason capitalism works.

So I made over 40 grand last year. Not bad for my first year of full employment. Too bad I’m too distracted from turning in my “Master’s Degree Form” for an extra 3 grand. I swear I’m so disgusted with waiting in line for signatures and so busy with a life outside of school I don’t find time for the necessary signatures giving me an extra 3 grand. It’s strange. Maybe by writing about it on here I will shame myself into filling it out and getting it done.

I watched a show about dolphins (like FLipper) who corral fish onto shore and have a buffet. Really intelligent. They always look so happy. In the same show I discovered whales have 13 foot penises. The humpbacks would gang bang the lady-Humback but she would “choose” the last one who would succeed by cleansing out all the other whale-seed. I felt dirty watching it.

The whales are serious sinners though. Very unclean.

So I was actually going to write about Philip II on here. But I ended up writing about whale semen. Hmm. Maybe there’s some hidden association with all this somewhere. I don’t know.

Went to a wedding last night with my girlfriend and enjoyed the food from Venezuela and enjoyed looking at the women from Venezuela. We were really having fun together…dancing and laughing. I really think we were the happiest people there. And also the most anxious to leave. Weddings are like some phony fantasy land where you pretend you have money and people like you. WHat a joke. I guess I was a little too critical of them though on the ride home. Perhaps beneath her intellectual facade she still has some regard for the ceremony. Personally I think I’d have more fun having a reading party or a organizing a march into the ghetto where we distribute books.

I dunno. I just want to take my boat to Haiti or something. I can’t believe I just drank one of my brother’s Mountain Dew crap drinks. Eww in the middle I couldn’t believe the awful taste it had. Disgusting. I drank it because I’m feeling tired and I guess it did give me energy.

If I only had energy to get my finances in order so I could escape my house. But I won’t pay rent (still) and buying a house seems such a big commitment (even bigger than marriage because uslegalforms.com offers non-contested divorces for less than $300) that I don’t know what I’m doing.

I can’t decide what I want to do. My mom (a career specialist for disabled people) will print out jobs paying much much more than 40K per year and leave them when she sees me. It is a lot of stress and I dont know how much I’m reaching them. The point isnt to pretend you’re a Saint and hit your head against the wall everyday. Teaching is a rewarding profession when you reach students but you HAVE to be honest whether you are actually reaching them. You have to examine how efficient and effective you are conveying the information. This is sad, but if you routinely use words like “convey” and leave the kids feeling stupid you might have to accept you doing a poor job.

I feel like I’m condescending when I tone down my vocabulary but it might be something I HAVE TO DO. Kids have told me I make them feel stupid. This was never my intention going into this job. I don’t need to overcompensate for any perceived lack of intelligence by showing off to ninth graders. I have my degrees from a decent school and I know my limitations. I know I’m not a genius but I need to find a career where I can really reach people.

Some days I feel I’ve found the answers and other days I feel were half-wasted. I have a million IFS with teaching: IF I had only one room I could do more (it might happen soon), IF I had a class set of books I wouldn’t have to fight them and check everyday for books (without books they act up like crazy)…the excuses go on and on. But when it comes down to it, I find it very hard to emphasize discipline day after day. Once they realize they are failing there’s nothing you can do to keep them in line. Except yell in their face…and that’s never been fun for me. Maybe a little bit…

So if I didn’t care about them I could quietly go on with the job punching the clock day after day, year after year. I have succeesses and failures. Probably I have a better success rate than most young teachers, but I think I’m more ambitious than most first year teachers. I don’t have to move my lips when I read… But I sometimes think highly intelligent people don’t want to go into teaching because it is seen as a feminine profession, an easy job, and basically a baby-sitting service.

I just feel if I leave the house to buy my own place (or a condo or townhouse) I’ll be “stuck” in a job. Just like with marriage. Who wants to be limited to who they can fuck or what they can do? Not me. I’m just trying to keep my options open.

The small successes in high school history classes are what keep me coming back. I’ve got to emphasize the state-mandated tests and basic reading and writing skills. If I can make them into critical readers I’ve done my job. Usually I’ll fail but at least I’ll know I tried my best. If I think my best isn’t good enough for them, I’ll accept my limitations and move on to something else. I won’t just punch the clock to make some goofy mortgage payment though.

Life is too short for pretenses. I’m not on a time-table for “success” whether that means owning my own house or telling my girlfriend to wear some stupid stone and go off birth-control so the cycle can repeat once again. Fuck it. I don’t know the answers to anything and I’m not admitting failure by saying that. You can pretend to have all the answers, which were most likely ingrained in your head by your parents. On and on it goes.