Utter Frustrations

Have been incredibly busy trying to get this apartment set up. You would think that with two people working to get a one bedroom place in order, things would go quickly and smoothly, but they haven’t. All my stuff got out of my old apartment last weekend, and Travis brought a portion of his stuff this Friday. He couldn’t bring much, because no one was willing to help him, because there is only so much room in his car, and because he hurt his back. So we are still missing his TV, computer, dresser, and some other big things. Doesn’t sound like much, yet there still isn’t a suitable place for everything. Some things depend on others being arranged or placed beforehand, so right now they lay on the floor or in piles waiting to be touched. Joy. It is driving me batty that I can’t be as organized as I can be.

The pole/support column in the closet is driving me batty. Neither one of us thought it would be a problem until we actually put stuff in the closet and it got massively in the way. So my stuff is in the back and every time I get something I have to fight my own clothes. Despite the fact that we have procured more storage stuff I still don’t have a place for all my clothes and accessories (ha, I sound like I have a ton of clothes, but I really don’t. It’s just that a closet in the normal size I am used to is divided into thirds – one for me, one for Travis, and one that we leave empty so we can navigate). I need some shelves.

We did buy some living room storage, bathroom storage, a shoe rack, hooks, kitchen towels, and some other necessities, all at our new fave place, Target. I love that store so much that I should look at getting stock in it.

We just got our bed today, so hopefully that will be assembled in the next couple days. It was an adventure getting it – first I got a call from the front desk at our building saying that we’ve had a package there for four days now, then when I go get it the security guy couldn’t find it. I saw it, but had to drag it upstairs all by myself. Had the help of a cart, but because of how the building is laid out I couldn’t use the freight elevator, so I had to use a small one. And there was a lot of huffing and puffing but at least I was able to make it upstairs. That’s the important thing. And I had just finished my workout when I did this so I got two workouts in one.

Speaking of workouts, I love the fitness room in this place. I am going to try and work out as many days as I can. I really have no excuses left to not do so. And once they are done with the yearly pool renovation, I will probably go in and do some water aerobics. Yay resistance to tone thighs and arms.

Valentine’s day came and went. No further comments, except perhaps the most important thing was that it marked one year since the last time I cut. Not that anyone but me noticed.

Work sucks as per usual. At least my days go faster now, so there are some advantages to the situation. Tomorrow Travis and I will be going to a job fair hosted by the Indiana Pacers thats supposed ot be intensive into communications jobs, so hopefully we can find something. I need to, despite the fact that I just changed jobs technically it was just a new seat and more paperwork, but there is nothing to actually change the environment. So that’s the problem. That and that I am tired of catering to people who just don’t get what they need to do. I got chewed out the other day for having an opinion about incompetent people – I was told to not say things because when something is easy for me it’s not necessarily easy for someone else. Fair enough, but 1) it’s not rocket science, 2) it concerns concepts that pretty much do not get chaned day in and day out, 3) notes can be taken, and 4) all you basically have to do is follow directions. So I’m not allowed to complain.

I just feel like my outlets for complaining, ranting, venting, etc have all been compromised. Worse than ever I just fear that I will be on the receiving end of any perceptions of what I write. I’ve been trying to deny myself that concept, mainly because I didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t allowing myself the proper venting medium. I shold be able to write and let it flow and not have to censor myself. I know, I have said this a number of times, and to a certain degree I have always censored myself. But lately I seem to do it more than ever. It’s blatant, and I am tired of it. If I want to write about depression or cutting or include such in a dark piece of writing, I should be able to do so without anyone assuming I want to cut or anything of the like. I feel like my writing has suffered because of this, and that my writing here has suffered for it as well. I don’t know what I will do about this just yet.

All I know is that I need a good night’s rest to be ready to deal with the job fair tomorrow. I hate crowded situations like that, even more so like this when I know I am being graded left and right. But I choose to do it since it is a way to get out of where I am now; when given the choise of one uncomfortable day that may lead to something great or a lot more in my meaningless job, the choice is easy. It’s going to be a long day, hopefully it will be a good one.