what is wrong with me?

I was so excited abuot doing this reception/open house (thank you mother of three btw for that idea!) and now I am panicking and dragging my feet. now when I should be getting something done!

I decided to buy invites and send some out, and then do the paper announcement and leave it open to ppl.

I went walking Wednesday and this little kitty came up to my porch. So I pet it, and then it proceeded to follow me down to the track. I kept debating, what should I do? So I just walked and the kitty stopped before it got to the track in front of some houses. This was at 5:30 AM Wednesday. On Thursday afternoon I see a sign advertising that little kitty as lost. So I called the number to see if they had found the kitty. Nope. I told them where I last saw the kitty.

I love little kitties, and I am upset with myself for not calling the police dept or something to find out if that kitty was lost. I kind of knew it was.

I have some psychological issue where I overthink things like that. I regret making the wrong decision. I could have helped that little kitty, but I didn’t. Now the kitty is still lost or taken in by who knows who. These kinds of things tie me up in knots. I can’t seem to get away from it. It just burns a thought pattern in my head that I can’t seem to break. Now, when I need to be getting myself together for the wedding, I am upset that I didn’t help that little kitty. I feel like it came right to me. It came out of nowhere, and I could have helped it. You see how this goes. In circles. I reassure myself that there is nothing I can do about it now, but then I go back and scold myself for not making the better choice. Good grief! Ackk!

So, yeah, it is like a little trauma that carries me away from what I need to be doing or thinking about. It is always something I cannot do anything about. If it were “worry” I would DO something. But it is regret, and something behind me that cannot be changed.

I need to be getting myself psychologically prepared for my daughter’s wedding and I am crying over a lost kitty that I didn’t help when I had the chance.

Moving on. Can I move on please?

I am upset about my stupid glasses. I got an eye exam so I could get new glasses before the wedding. I wanted the same style of frame. I just replaced the same exact ones. But they could not seem to adjust them right for me. I made an appt the first day, but had to wait like 45 minutes anyway. The next day I decided I needed to go back. Another what? half hour? I don’t know. Thought I was good, but they are worse. I have gone in twice since and decided I didn’t have enough time to wait around til someone could help me. The eye dr should realize WHY people go to Wal Mart to get their glasses. Sure, he can’t compete on price, but he should try to provide better service. I guess he can’t compete on that either. But the nearest Wal Mart is an hour away, and I have not had time to drive over there. They will adjust your glasses. And I think I will look at more frames after the wedding. These are driving me nuts and I paid a pretty penny for them. They just plain hurt. If I didn’t have to work all day when the stupid eye dr was open I could wait around an hour to get helped. If I made an appt it wouldn’t make any difference, apparently. That is the LAST time I get frames there. I am driving over to Wal Mart from here on out and I will probably tell them so and why. Maybe not. I never have the guts to do that.

I have no guts. I am a chicken. I am a chicken about even hosting this reception. I am scared. So I procrastinate. This is why nothing gets done. I just procrastinate.

I know it sounds like I am down on myself, and I guess I am. I gotta get past this and fast. TOo much to do to be stressing out over a kitty I can no longer help and uncomfortable glasses that hurt behind my ears. And I can’t even see that great anyway. Stupid glasses.

I did go online and get a number of ideas for a wedding shower my SIL is hosting on Tues before the wedding. Crazy. She complains, but then she hosts two wedding showers. I put the brakes on the one out here and I am glad I did.

faith hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.