tuesday

i would like to write an update, but think i will probably not have time or forget half the stuff since it has been so long!

son did VERY well on his ACT test. everyone is talking about it!

Dau IS going out with this guy she meet at university now. she calls and tells me a lot about it. enough so i felt a little unsure when we met him of how to talk to him. we knew so much about him without ever having met him. but i like him. after the initial meeting, we saw him the next day and he smiled at us. i said hi and felt a genuine connection. so i am feeling better about it.

he treats dau like royalty. he is sweet. they made a dinner at his place and he cooked all sorts of things. she was very impressed. they have been taking late night walks, but she says they are going to back off on those since she is not getting enough sleep.

we were walking down the sidewalk back to her dorm room and a car was approaching the intersection of the alley. new bf threw his arm out to stop dau from walking in the path of the car. not that she would have, but it was like a subconscious response to protect her. son and i were walking behind them, and son said wow, he wouldn’t have thought to do that….

they have been an item in their dept of the univ. he is a senior and she is a freshman. they have both been concerned about the age difference, but they keep doing things together and are getting to know one another. he talked to her about the fact she was leaving in 2 weeks, and she didn’t know how to respond so she didn’t really let on how she was feeling. so he didn’t know. so, they went out another evening and he talked to her about how he really liked her and would like to date her. they talked about stuff and he kissed her. well, she was ok with it at the time, but the more she thought about she felt they were rushing into things. so a couple days later when she saw him again he asked her how she felt about that. she told him. he agreed. but he said that he would like to date her and would she date him? she said she was Ok with that, but what did that mean? she really, really likes this guy. she has never liked a guy like she likes him. she said he has not had a girlfriend since middle school. he has had friends who are girls, but not a girlfriend. she has had 2 boyfriends in the last couple years, but they liked her way more than she liked them. she learned a great deal from those relationships. especially of what NOT to do. NOT to let things go on without an understanding, stuff like that. she learned in this last relationship that there was a lot of misunderstanding. for all this guy has known her for a long time and has liked her forever (xbf) he didn’t know her. now he is really angry with her.

xbf and dau went out one time before she got to know nbf very well, and xbf kept asking about him. she told him a little, and that she kinda liked him. so he kept asking about him all the time. he said that he was ok with her dating him, that she should go for it. he said he was over her and was interested in another girl. dau was ecstatic. she was so very happy. she wanted to hear that so badly that she didn’t realize it was not entirely true. he is not over her still. he is very hurt by all this. she minimized what she tells him, but he asks her ALL THE TIME about it. so she updated him on the fact that they were “going out.”

when she went out with xbf she thought she explained how she felt about things like making out and stuff like that. it kind of became what they did with their time alone together, and she wasn’t entirely comfortable with that. she isn’t a needy, touchy feely type person. she is extremely independent and wants a guy who is independent too. most guys she has anything to do with are clingy and needy and demand more of her than she cares to give. well, this xbf wasn’t that bad, but there was not a common understanding there. it deteriorated, and she couldn’t really talk to him about it. he would get upset and insecure and what not. totally understandable, but she didn’t want that. also totally understandable. so they broke up. he was not happy. his family adores her so they were not exactly happy, but they still like dau. thankfully! well, some of them do. two of the 3 siblings of this kid don’t like her cuz she hurt their brother. the mom and dad still like dau. and we all still like xbf. i think he is a gem. i really like him a lot.

but now nbf… before he asked her to go out he said “there is something you should know about me.” and proceeded to say he was very independent, and he didn’t want her feelings to be hurt if he just walked by and said hi and didn’t stop and talk every time cuz he was busy and on his way to do something. he said he didn’t want her to think he didn’t like her or anything like that, but that is the way he is. she was so OK with that. she said she had the same concern. she has said hi in passing and not stopped and hoped he didn’t feel like she was brushing him off. so they are two peas in a pod on that issue. both very independent and she likes it that way.

so anyway, who knows where this will go. she is not wanting to come home from university, but it also her last summer home and she is looking forward to coming home. torn.

this guy will be back next year, so she will have a lot to look forward to. and they can visit, call, write over the summer. that should be fun. but i expect it to get pretty serious. they both believe in not dating unless you are trying to get to know someone with intentions of getting married. that was a big issue with xbf. dau kept saying, i don’t think this is going to work so we should break up. xbf would say, you think we will break up? she would say there are only two conclusions, either we break up or get married, and i think we will break up. he didn’t like that. but she was wise to call it off. he is hurt, but it would have been worse had she let it go on and on. sigh.

didn’t mean to have such a long entry, but i did want to get some thoughts down so i don’t lose them…. like i am losing my mind some days! lol!

faith hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.