feelin empty at the end of the day and unfulfilled

So i’m workin nights now and my sleep schedule is all jacked up…i go to sleep around 7 am and wake up around 2 30ish pm….go to work at 5 pm get off around 7 am…repeat…

anyway, there’s nothing to do at night except go shopping at a extremely small line in walmart or play video games…i play the games because late nite t.v. is lame. I can’t sleep i feel "empty" or as though there is a huge void, and i think i’ve tried snuffin it with games and entertainment…girlfriend really doesn’t fill it…and i don’t mean to sound cliche and say its God, but i honestly think it is….toughest thing is not knowing where to start, but knowing everything has to start somewhere. Maybe i’m just bored, is it odd that i’m 23 and still havin nightmares? i’ve heard theories that too much sugar before u go to sleep causes it, or its your bodies way of wakin you up when u gotta go to the bathroom. Subject line is usually consistent though…they always have somethin to do with death or dying…maybe thats all that i’m afraid of…and that keeps me from sleeping…im frikin 23 i shouldn’t be contimplatin death…maybe its the reality of mortality and wastin away my life playin video games thats grippin me. Granted i’m not a junkie i have a job (military).

wrote this about a week ago guess i’ll store it here just incase my comp. goes down //note //(after watching the last samurai) oddly enough it broke things down and made stuff seem simple,

self denial, is it a kookie idea or is it something we as americans should deeply invest our hearts and minds into.
our freedoms have perverted and corrupted all senses of ellegance, chivalry, justice.
some things were meant to be left sacred or untouched…we find evidence in this in our divorce rate and the rampantness of pornography
and free love, or the simplicity of divorce.

our youth’s minds are corrupted by drugs sex and violence before they have had the opportunity to fully develop.
this is our democracy….our freedom….and our curse. other countries of sound principle live with honor and meaning
or purpose, we simply exist and are captivated by our own amusements and feebly try to find a sense of purpose in the midst
of an overstimulated populus.

wine has a taste that is very distinct….originally meant for special occasions…we drink of it often and are filled yet
still empty and looking towards the next fix.
sex, meant to be with one soulmate….originally meant for marriage…we swap partners like swapping underwear, the excitement of
a honeymoon has lost its glimmer…we overindulge…without giving thought to keeping ourselves for something more meaningful.

don’t get me wrong i am proud of our country and the freedom we stand for, and the hope we offer other countries that there are still
some good guys left…with a solid system of checks and balances, our democracy stands strong for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

purpose…hope…faith…life…