AAAHH its finally happened!!!! wooooo :D

OH MY GOLLY GOLLY GOSH! 😀
 

Sooooooo 😉
Mr Alan 😛
he actually, totally, pretty much asked me out last night!
i think i handled the situation appropriatly….

HA i met him at around um um um… one? this morning. for some absurd reason. i couldve stayed in and watched Thee Fabulous Greys Anatomy, with theee Gorgeous McDreamy definatly trying to hide his crush on me from Meredith 😉 WE have a thing, we really do.
BUT I thought it might be a nice idea to meet ALAN!! as it has been over like two weeks since we’ve hung out proper. let alone smoooched!!!

AND… well, he was a little hammered. well. HAMMERED. im actually quite sorry to say 🙁
But, he stood his fabulous "Fixxy" (Fixed Gear Bike, a new sort of fashionista accessory coming onto the scene at the moment apparently?) up against the train bridge fence thingy ma bob.
and we sat down.

Talked, and ra ra ra la la la (Code for pointless information not necessary in my opinion 😉 ) when i decided that IT WAS TIME.
to give him his long awaited present from Ireland.
which was a teddy ><
HAHAHA crinnnngggggeeeee im SUCH A DOUCHE!!! hahaha it took a lot of courage. so i put it in his hoody pocket and told him not to look at it til i was out of sight later. 😀 😀 😀

At which point he said "As im drunk, its probably the best time to tell you something"
at which point…My heart felt like it stopped and ran and hid under my stomach. me…"um, yeah go for it"
he then continued to explain why he was "stressed" lately saying that a few months ago me and him were practically a couple. but noone said anything. and he thought and thought and thought and didnt know what i wanted. and instead of asking he just kept running from the issue.
this is the point where i realised i had been missing all of these signals and signs!!!!
*Kicks self so hard she almost fell off the train bridge… in her mind of course. her mind tends to wonder when people are explaing important things hence why shes writing this in third person to fill the huge blank of VII (very important info) that she missed. ha*
At this point i curse myself for not actually having the stereotypical womanly trait of multi-tasking, and need to think of something to say to hide the fact i missed pretty much everything he said. LUCKILY as i spilled the beans of my heart…"DAMMIT SHE HAS TO STOP DOING THAT!!! AND THIS… =/"  he totally completly agreed with what i said, which was something along the lines of…

I didnt want to say anything not knowing how you felt, and so left it. i came to the conclusion (by adding up what hes said to me in conversation and analysing his bedroom) that you were not up for commitment.
he said hes not the best person for commitment. but he wants to with me. 90%
the other 10% was because he often wants to be alone and talk to noone, and thinks this will affect me.
i said i would be up for a relationship…70%
OUCH thinking back. YOU WALLY. YOUR HORRIBLE!!
only because of family commitments, and how it affects people closest to me more. and being in a relationship with him means he will become suddenly very close.
and also because of my unwillingness for COMMITMENT. (i secretly do want to play the field a little :S )

HOWEVER, i said i was going to ponder on it a little while, and that he should go home and sleep and ponder on his conclusion a little too.
he then walked me to my street where we sat on a bence.
almost immediatly, i found myself being quite distant with him, i guess i was a little weary that he was drinking, and reminded me of my parents =/
we kissed lots, and he spoke openly about how stupid he feels for having that "talk" and how its much easier to just kiss.
which it is *SWOOOOONS*
He also said "You Hate me now don’t you"
COURSE I BLOODY DONT.
it just took me a little by surprise even though!!! i did go out to meet him last night with the intention of ASKING HIM WHAT HE WANTSS!! im glad we have some sort of telepathy going on between us 🙂

*Slurps her pepsi, which shes now pondering is actually going to be the cause of GUMMY HER by the time shes like 30 =|*
aaahhh, SO
I refused to fall asleep last night and ended up riging Tom (previous love) at like four in the morning. half four i think.
i was shaking, my heart was going crazy, i was overtired and hallucinating. i was scared to go to sleep because i have a horrifying fear im going to die in my sleep because of my "faulty heart" which is probably fine.
im just stressed and having palpitations?
who knows. but we talked, i breifly told him why i was ringing him ,before hand he threw a couple of guesses,
one of them happened to be "Alan asked you out didnt he"
i quickly replied no, its got nothing to do with any of that.
 

I was so close to tears that this fear of death had such an affect on me 🙁
on MY LIVING LIFE. it fucking sucks. i need counselllling, for the 98765432345678 billionth time 😉
i eventually fell asleep at around half six, and woke up at around half eleven.
ive decided im going to run into my wall tonight my knock myself out, before i get a serious sleep issue 🙁

TODAY i have no calling credit and alan texted me apologising for last night.
so does that mean it was drunken jabber and hes taken it all back?
or am i too much of a deep thinker im a danger to myself?
HA
poop
I also want to mention something that made me laugh and cheered me up today
an entry by….
Dane. G. Russel? Or Dane. G. Affleck? the latter suits much 😉
its in RC,
have a look, very amusing and a breath of fresh air might i add  🙂 🙂 🙂
 

Im now going to do something.
im not going into the Sun because it burns me and makes me ouch alot for the next couple of days.
my little brother is now hollering me to help him remake a version of "spider-pig"  with an inflatable pig. involving a camera, double sided tape, a pig, and a ceiling. oh and a frustrated me being employed as "the camera man" probably.
What a Draggggg 😛
should be fun
ha

Much Love 🙂 <3