Love Life, Under the Limelight ;)

So,
Whats Been Going on Recently?
Well February, I broke Up with my Long termer.
The one i told when we first dated.."I Dont do long term relationships"
We lasted 1 year and a month…. on and off. I still see him now and again, to keep him happy i suppose, he took the break up quite bad.

i broke with him because we argued, constantly, he was a jealous guy, and im a girl who LOVES to be around people. The centre of attention, I am a Leo. 😉 we werent particularly compatible to be fair. At the time of the Break, the real break was on boxing day. i was hanging around with My best friends’, boyfriends’, Brother (phew what a mouthful!!) And "Tom" as i will call him never really treated me top notch, the way i beleived i should have been treated.
And so when this new guy (Bob ill call him :P) came along, he showed me happyness i laughed with him, he was protective, and showed me security. even if i wasnt physically attracted to him, the way i was treated by Tom practically drove me into the arms of Bob.

and so me and Bob, had this very short relationship, if you can call it that. but i enjoyed it. The butterflys, the First Kiss, the cuddling and watching movies, after a week i realised id made a mistake, and thought it best to break it off as soon as possible, to avoid leading him on. and making the break up even messier. HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY after all 😉

After a while, Me and Tom got back together, the spark was still there, he was still Hot, and he still rang me late at night after going out just to see how my day was and to tell me all about his dramatic day of things such as "i played golf today!!" or "i got boxed in the face!!! but we were only playing XD" and it was nice, that he could tell me all of this, and i was the ONLY person he would do this to.

HOWEVER by this time i was working in a new place which means = NEW PEOPLE,
This is where i met….Alan? Ill call him Alan 😛 when he first came onto my Aisle (i work in a supermarket) to show me the ropes.
i thought nothing of it, i was with Tom, and was fairly happy, i dont even beleive in "eye-candy" as they call it.
Alan was funny, he was older than me, and he could hold generous conversation. which is alot for most of the people in this place!!

Then came along March, my team leader was getting engaged, he told me relentlessly how he despised this fact but "had no choice" i think he was just a flirt 😉
I was working on an ailse with this Alan, Tattoo’d, wore trendy clothes and listened to the most secluded of music artists, noone knew they existed as far as i was aware! There were butterflies when i saw him, and hot flushes when he spoke to me and smiled :):)
He approached me with a box of cheese and asked if i wanted to accompany him to this engagement party.
"yeah, why not?! be a right laugh!" Alan "Yeah be real good! Did you wanna come over my place first an get a few drinks or just meet an turn up together or summin?"
"It would be easier to go to yours first, Dutch courage with the drink and that ;)"

he walks away…..I BEAM WITH EXCITEMENT!! HE TOTALLY JUST ASKED ME OUTTTT!!!
each day and night, i ponder over what i will wear, how to dance at the party, what drink to get to go to his, what perfume to wear, this, and only this occupied my mind, LEAVING POOR TOM NEGLECTED. I fancied the pants off of Alan by this point. i couldnt wait to see him each day at work.
 

So this party came before i managed to decide what to wear, so BEGGED my best friend to borrow her HOT, Black, Cleavage bearing tunic, which i paired with a black and gold waist belt, denim jeans (to tone down the amount of flesh showing) and Black heels.
I met him down the road from mine and walked to his, with the alcohol and we listened to music, i nosed around his tiny room, quizzing him about his books, why he read them and what his favourites where. we got VERY drunk. turned up at this party together.
which got gossip going immediatly. after lots of pics together, and dancing like a crazy woman i was!!
we ended up smooching. LOTS. after the party ended we were lying on a feild for the next two hours snogging eachothers faces off.

Inevitably, the next day (i also had work) I was having pangs of guilt, along with a headache, and racked with nerves over what people would say at work….only a couple of people saw, but within hours…especially after lunch EVERYONE knew. One girl in particular who had history with Alan, approached me, with a jealous, evil eye. and just mentioned that i shouldnt be wearing nail varnish…BIATCH!

Once again, i clearly wasnt happy with Tom if i had no peeves about running into the arms of yet another male.
when i saw Alan again, it was fine, no awkwardness, and we were back to laughing about how everyone now thought we were an item…as my facebook now declared i was single after breaking it…FOR GOOD. with Tom.
I wanted to be happy. I was not happy with Tom unfortunatly.
Since March. Me and Alan have been meeting up, and just sitting listening to music, cuddling, talking, ive stayed at his countless times, and not fully clothed either. however, we never seem to do anything but kiss.
this is the issue, its driving me mad, as well as my self esteem, he’s seen me in my Birthday suit. and led next to me kissing and cuddling. but that is it.
I dont know why, and i certainly dont want to be asking him. the closest hes come to telling me after a very heated kissing sesh was
"Um, Am i annoying you?" " No? Why would you be annoying me" 
In my Mind…."YES!!! WHAT IS WRONG?! PLEASE TELL ME, IM THEE MOST UNDERSTANDING PERSON IN THE WORLD AND YOU CANT TELL ME? WHYYY 🙁 🙁 :("
His reply was "well cos…..aaahh um no dont worry, never mind"

That was well over two months ago….
im going maddd.
Im playing the feild though and have been casually meeting up with a very very stunning musician, plays Bass at our local music bar, teaches at the local college and works for the council in his spare time.
Stunner he is. This however is only a lustful relationship as far as im concerned. however, he hangs around with ALL of Toms friends.
 

Which brings me back to Tom. I stayed around his house last night, after walking in, he covered my eyes with his hands, and led me into the kitchen me = "OMG WOOOOOO HES COOKED ME DINNER! HOW LOVELY!"
but no. Even better, there on the dining table, was a Pink Orchid, standing tall, still covered in the plastic film.
Orchids are my favourite Flower. I have one in my bedroom on my sill, and a painting of one on my wall, (which complements the decor fabulously 😉 and a synthetic one in a glass vase on the head of my bed, now i have one more!

However, as my father thinks, With this flower came a hidden meaning, or agenda? as an Orchid is said to represent fertility, as the orchids name originates from the Greek "orchis", meaning "testicle"  however, as he has been in my room, and i have mentioned before, i think me having a BABBA is the laston his agendas!!! 
especially MINE!
however, i think i should stop seeing him altogether as if i dont, then he will always think there will be a chance of us getting back together, there is a chance, because i know one day i will wake up and think, "yes i want to be with him" However, i know that in the long run. i do not want to be with him, the year i was with him was the most painful of my life,
he cheated on me when i was away in Ireland for a break. and i cheated on him countless times.
I dont want to hurt him, he can do very well for himself if he finds the right girl, and treats her with the respect a woman deserves.

also the fact that many of his friends have been asking to "meet up" with them.
my suspicions were growing when eventually one of them admitted Tom had shown Him pictures of me
PICTURES.
i was mortified!!!! how could he?! Why would he?
if he wanted me. if he wanted to be with me, why would he ADVERTISE ME?! i was disgusted to say the least.
it was contradicting everything hed ever shown me.
im now turning down any dates from any one in relation to him, as i KNOW that yes, they actually are only after one thing.

I’m not sure if i want me and Alan to go anywhere, hes intruiging me, ever more, with his mysterious actions.
i think i might even be going off him, lately hes having such a negative attitude, negative words, and it drags me down,
i want someone to Highlight me, Bring me up. i can do it alone. but prefer to share my success.
I dont want to carry anyone. i want to WALK with someone.
I guess i am only young, i have a lot of experiences to experience, and a lot of mistakes to make yet.
which makes my life The Most Thrilling Roller-Coaster yet…
bearing in mind all of the above is just my "Love Life"
I think when i go back to college, i will meet more new people/

when i embark upon my medical career, i will meet yet more people,
im also due to actually have passed my driving test by the end of this year, so meeting more people? YES.
oooh
something that made me go
"RAAAA" Today
sat at the checkouts at work. "They want you in the cupboard"
calm down guys, the cupboard is where the managers for checkouts hang out, your in trouble if you get called in there, or they want you for overtime, i was doing overtime, so thi