gentlemen prefer blondes redheads
An open letter to the men of the world:
I love you. I really do. Even when you’re doing obnoxious things like yelling at me from your apartment balcony or honking at me as I cross the street. You provide vague reassurance that not everyone thinks I’m ugly. When you think that, as a girl, I lack some fundamental knowledge that will keep me from ever approaching your genius at math & science, I will thoroughly enjoy beating you on exams and homework. I enjoy being a girl and all of the small perks it gets me (I never have to lift those heavy water bottles into the machines, and that’s a good thing!).
But for the love of all that is holy, you are not doing me any huge favors with the so-called gentlemanly things you do.
Hold the door open for me, I will thank you. But when a door opens out and you’re in front of me, there is no need to contort your body in an attempt to hold the door open AND let me pass in front of you. This makes me feel that a simple “Thank you” will not be sufficient, and I should be rendering some other service in gratitude for your chivalrous gesture.
The same goes for the men who use archaic reasoning to make me switch sides as we walk down the street. These include:
; Insisting that you walk closest to the street because a long time ago, streets were made of dirt and a woman could get splashed with mud if a carriage drove by. We live in Southern California, the roads are paved, and there is no water in the road. I assure you, if we are ever walking down a dirt trail while it’s raining and carriages are driving by splashing mud everywhere, I will gladly use you as a human shield.
; Insisting that you walk farthest from the street because in New York, 50 years ago, people used to dump waste out their windows and it landed on people. I am fairly certain that no one will throw waste out of the windowless office buildings. For serious.
; Insisting on walking on my right/left side because men used to carry swords and they needed to protect their women. You don’t have a sword, so it’s silly to obey rules for weapons you do not own. If you have a sword, please feel free to carry it everywhere and also cut off my clothes.
I actually find it ruder that you nudge me over so you can fulfill your sense of gentlemanly duty. Which leads me to my final point…
Do not draw attention to your gentlemanly ways. Ever. I don’t want to hear about how men these days aren’t chivalrous and how you were raised better than that. The second you mention how you always hold doors open/walk on such and such side/whatever, it stops being a nice gesture and starts being annoying. Lots of people hold doors open, lots of people will let you go before them. You are not special because you do this, and the fact that you have to bring it up makes you an arrogant little berk.
Oh, and your probably want to stop the honking/yelling/whistling because most girls don’t actually like it.
Love,
Sarah
hahahaha, i second that. or when they have the Chivalry Game memorized, because they think thats what Females want. gag. loses all sincerity. LAME.
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rock on, sweets.
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hahaha awesome. this made me laugh because I notice that when I’m approaching a door and a guy is in front of me, I always contemplate if he’ll hold it or if the door will just kind of slam in my face… hahahaha i love that you said “for serious” !! xoxo jezsyka
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YES yes yes yes yes yes yes yes ♥ x
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I burst out laughing and my boyfriend looked at me strangely. He does the whole switching sides thing but not in an annoying way (no nudging or pushing or contorting). And it’s pretty much unspoken…if it wasn’t I’d have to harm him at some point. For serious. (And I second jezsyka’s love of your use of “for serious” in an entry. I need to use that in an entry soon.) I want to harm catcallers.
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whenever people decide they’re going to hold a door open for me, they seem to decide that when i’m still a good twenty feet from the door. it looks ridiculous if you run inside but then if you go at a normal pace you feel like you’re holding them up. really, … if i’m not near behind you, you don’t need to hold it. love you too.
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ryn// fabulous. how’s life on your side of the world?
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Haha, awesome. Men carry swords to protect their women. Sure thing. xoxoxx
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ryn: love you too…
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i’m glad you wrote! it’s fabulous piece, i really hate it when guys whistle at me. especially if they are random guys. xo
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Granted I try to be an old-school gentleman, but I do not do it because that is what I think girls will want. I was raised to be that way and It kinda is second nature to me. I have always wanted to give women the respect and dignity they deserve, which is why if at any point a lady tells me she would not like me to do something for her or treat her in a certain way, I will comply…
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…Yeesh, a few of those rules are even a bit much for me, screw that! If it doesn’t do something nice for women or is completely impractical to do, I don’t wanna do it. I could see myself holding the door for anyone right behind me (mostly because I don’t like people being right behind me), or someone 20 feet away if they are holding something heavy. Well sorry for the double note.
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I think you’d have done well to differentiate between the door-holding and the walking chivalry. The door-holding does have some place in modern society, even if gender traditions get blurred, and even if nobody realizes that a guy is supposed to push through a revolving door first. What I’d like most is for you to get a clearer picture of *the perks*.
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which come with your particular feminine appeal. Perhaps a Tyra Banks-like experiment would do the trick. (she dressed up in a “fat suit” with make-up to match and reeeeeeeeeeally saw a different for the first time in her life) Without extremes like that, the chances of Tyra Banks ever seeing the real world were going to be slim. The chivalry can’t be so bad???
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You were challenged to validate the following misguided statement: “write a letter to the “women of the world” (instead of to the female teenagers of OD, begging for photographs)”. I responded: “Nowthen, where/how on earth did you find any reference to photographs (let alone begging for them) in the “Letter to teenage females at OD”???” And as predicted, your answer attempt was nonsensical.
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in answer to your question: Yes, clearly “gentlemen prefer… redheads” led me to believe (at least in your illogical world) that your chest would be the centerpiece of the entry. Nowthen, I have news for you. The president of Harvard does not have any investment in you, period. In closing, I will stop visiting your diary only after you cease to visit mine. Leave it at that.
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right on, sweet!
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