May 24, 2004

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this distance won’t kill me or bring you back

Whenever I had a crush on a boy in elementary school, I would write it in my diary but exclude the name (because my diary was never a very private place). There are several entries where all I write is, “I’m in love. But I can’t say who,” with as many letters turned to hearts as possible.

I can’t remember these nameless crushes.

And I doubt the boy crushing me right now will be remembered either without his name attached to this entry (though anyone who knows me will know who he is because I’ve already told them).

Now technically, I’m not allowed to have a crush. But I fall in love every day with the most random of people, so I suppose a mindless crush is more normal than that. Oh, and how I’ve missed having crushes. That butterfly feeling when they’re coming over (although he’s technically friends with my roommate and lives upstairs, I’ve adopted the neighbor boys as my own), the overanalyzations of what he said she said I said, the giggly talks with my girl friends. (After nearly a year of roommatedom, Heather and I have progressed to girl talk. It’s lovely because, apparently, the boys can’t translate it. She has a crush on the boy too (again, despite the boyfriend thing) so we plot ways to get him to hang out with us.)

He likes Fall Out Boy and The New Pornographers and Dresden Dolls and all the music that is good in the world. And he plays the guitar and wears emo glasses and has that geeky cute that only the smart girls appreciate. And he has absolutely no idea that Heather and I swoon before him and get with him drunk so we can hang out with him and flirt and blame it all on the alcohol. He doesn’t know how hot he is. And man, he is.

Obviously this does not mean that I’m going to do anything with said boy. I’ve just been craving male affection lately, like cuddling and little kisses. That’s what I miss most. I just need a boy to cuddle with. (I’m hoping this is as close as I get with I-miss-Chad entries and such, but considering how crazy I am after less than a week, I don’t hold out much hope for the future.)

I’ve started my second job, but all I’ve done so far is read the packets my boss gives me. I’m somewhat scared now, though, because they have titles like Exfoliation of carbon fibers through intercalation compounds synthesized electrochemically. No lie, that’s the title of one of the packets I’m supposed to learn. (I believe I have made a mistake.)

I tried to buy a bathing suit yesterday, but Heather refused to believe that they don’t make separates big enough on top. So she dragged me to every store in the mall (except the department stores) and tried to find one that fit me. Sillly girl, doesn’t she know I’m hopeless? (Incidentally, if you have big boobs and know where the get bathing suits that cover more than your nipple, please let me know.)

I’m attempting to become better at updating, but it’s not working. I doubt anyone actually cares though, because they’ve been getting notes on time (or at least not a month behind). And I’m finding that I love leaving notes more than updating because I have a prompt on what to write.

Wish me kisses and pretty emo boys and a bathing suit that fits.

Eddie Shaw

May 25, 2004

There is something to be said for a bathing suit that covers only a nipple.

autumn's monologue.

i hate this time of year solely because of the whole “bathing suit hunt”. i can never find one that looks good on me…ryn;oh, i won’t. i know from personal experience that nine years of friendship is difficult to get over when a friends true colours suddenly show through as something you never knew they were!love,

perfect//ensemble

i like it when you update and i like it when you leave notes but i like entries better because you always have something to say that makes me smile. and yes i understand what you mean about just having a crush to have one. i have one big one thats dumb and bad for me because hes 5 years older than me but thats ok i just like his hugs too much for my own good and i wish you the best of luck…

…on finding a bathing suit that covers more than just your nipples because i know there are some out there. and i do seem to make some very long run-on sentences, which i like very much because i loathe ending sentences too quickly because then i feel as if i’m not articulating myself well enough, which is very bad. ok. RYN: if you want more bands to check out, let me know. i have a wealth of…

…good bands up my sleeve. 🙂

Eternal Supernova

*smile* I wish all of those for you and more. Crushes are fun…my second day of work and I’m already searching out a boy to crush on…though I may change my mind and just crush from a distance on a boy from college. *sigh* I’m so indecisive. Love you,

cinderella crashed.

i will wish you that and much more. xoxoxo.<3 caitlyn

On the bikini front Saw a great one with under wire…does amazing things to your boobs wow!!!! and the bottoms where the kind that flatten the tummy a bit like a bottom/shorts combo if you know what I mean. Great form me because I have a but and tummy that needs hiding but want a bikini cool huh?:)

just.words

May 26, 2004

i care :)you’re right, having a crush is fun…especially when you’re friend likes him too and you don’t wanna do anything about him but crush on himyeah… ryn// thanks — it’s important for me because i’ve always been 2nd best, never the top. xox,

((brilliant))

I <3 geeky, odd boys. There's just something about them that attracts me… *Adds you to favorites* 🙂

Swim suits suck. I hate them. *rolls eyes* Good luck though. Love //

10 Days Late

May 27, 2004

Hey, just randomly came upon your diary. I agree on the cute geeky guys -they’re great 🙂 xx

[silhouette]

May 29, 2004

hehe, oooh crushes in elementry school are the best. i remember this boy i liked from 2nd through 5th grade…and then i look at him now and wonder what i was thinking 😉 take care!

i wish i mayi wish i might…morgan xxx;

ryn// i’ve wondered that, too.but i’d rather have it in writing,because then i wouldn’t have to worry about reacting to the other person’s face.but i guess it would be more honest on paper, too.our sheets were anonymous,which (i would think) would make things more honest,but i don’t think anyone went crazy honest in our class as they did in some others…

May 31, 2004

cont’d from above — i saw some from other classes in which people had confessed their love to others in those sheetsbut i still think it’s the greatest idea,and if i’m ever a teacher,i’m going to make sure we do that.and everyone will be happy.xox,

constellation.

ah swimsuits. they dont make them for creatively shaped people i think.somehow my torso is too narrow and i have to buy whatever doesnt make me look like an alien girl.good luck. with the crushes too.oh how i love summer crushes.

eucatastrophe.

crushes are the most fun; that girl talk where you figureout how to get him over; finding any excuse to flirt withhim; mm. i would give something for that, but…schools out.that makes it hard to flirt with someone, you know?»laura

wow.I am the exact same. i fall in love with boys that look pretty. And i wonder how they would act if they were mine. pretty odd, i know.I really like you diary, and how you write in it. Maybe note me back sometime.xo

ryn;;thanks you lovemorgan xxx;

ryn: no keep crushing.life would be too dull without that wanton love around.

Phade

June 5, 2004

awwww. 🙂 thats the best I can do as a boy myself.