dancing where the stars go blue

continued from prev. entry…

Chad is leaving for England tomorrow. He’ll be working there for two months, and I think I will be much lonelier when he is actually that far away and I can’t reach him whenever I want. I’ll have my roommates and my friends to keep my company, and I’ll probably go home every once in a while, so hopefully I won’t come here spounting entries about how i miss him.

Is anyone else insanely excited about the new Harry Potter movie? I plan to see it THE DAY it hits theaters. (Though it will probably sell out and I’ll have to wait. That happened to me with the previous 2- damn 11 year olds.) And if someone wants to send me a copy of the third book (I can’t find mine) so I can read it and get hyped, that would be lovely. I promise to send it back, too.

I have a sick, sick obsession with Kill Bill Vol. 2. Not the first one, (although it was wonderful, too) just the second one. Watching the second one makes me wish I was an assassin and a born killer and such. Mmm.

And while we’re on the subject of movies, I bought Say Anything and Better Off Dead the other day because Best Buy had them on sale for $7.50, and I like a good deal.

I pulled another Dean’s list out of my ass. And my friends are mad because I always think I fail things and then get As. But I think I just get lucky.

I’ve never understood why people get mad and jealous that others get higher grades than them. You shouldn’t compete against other people. You should only compete against yourself.

I’ve been thinking of dropping out of college and becoming an artist. The only thing left to do is to find an art I have talent for. I’m thinking stringing beads could be my talent. Except I think every has that talent. Because it’s stringing beads.

I drew on myself with pen yesterday. Stars and flowers and song lyrics (mostly on the places no one sees). I drew a band of flowers on my arm and a woman I work with exclaimed over it. Because she didn’t even realize I drew it on myself. I keep tracing the flowers over and over, secretly, with a pen I stole from work.

And my roommate Joey is back, and while I can’t say I enjoy his pompous comments and low-carb food overflowing the refrigerator, the tickle fights and throwing candy and hairbrush beatings do make life more interesting. (I’ve got to find some way to occupy my mind without my car.)

There is a secret dirt path in the woods near my apartment. I think someday I shall take it and see where it leads. Or maybe not, since the reality could never live up to what I’m wishing for. It probably ends ten feet into the trees. It’s probably not even pretty. It’s probably not even a secret path.

I bought a journal and can’t bring myself to write in it. I feel as though whatever goes in should be beautiful and written prettily and basically give insight into my soul. Because you can’t waste longhand (and the amount of time it takes to handwrite anything) and a gorgeous cover on everyday ramblings. I’ve tried writing in it three times, and I think I’m giving up because nothing I write will ever be good enough for that journal.

Did you ever notice how honest people are when they think no one is watching? I love reading diaries because you know something other people don’t know. Because people share things with total strangers that they won’t share with anyone else. I love keeping a diary because anything I need to keep a secret from people in real life, I can share here. And even if someone I know is reading, how much could they learn? Most of my secrets are shared in notes. Appreciate those notes, people, because half the time I’m baring my soul. Even though it may seem I’m just waiting for a chance to talk about myself.

I’m getting bored with my music. I have 2 songs that are not boring that I just keep listening to on repeat. “About Her” by Malcolm McLaren and “Pretty Girls Make Graves” by The Smiths. They’re good. But if you download EITHER ONE! I insist that you let me know which bands you’ve been blown away by lately. (And no naming bands you know I listen to, either.)

This entry is very confused and schizophrenic (don’t I say this at the end of every entry, though?), but there was a lot to say since I haven’t been actually updating. Here’s hoping I update again in the near future. It’s good for my sanity.