so easy to look at, so hard to define

Much has happened since I last wrote… I can’t believe it was almost a month ago…

School has been driving me crazy. It’s not exactly hard; it’s just that my procrastination skills keep screwing me over. I am a professional procrastinator. Not too much TV or too little sleep. And I always get everything done on time, even if it means no sleep and doing work all day. I’ve even managed to get As on my first 2 midterms.

This is actually what takes up most of my time.

On top of the schoolwork, my little sister is having a bad go of it. Her freshman year is nothing like what I would have wanted her to have.

This summer, there was…. something with a guy. I don’t know the exact story, but it’s upsetting for her to talk about. And her boyfriend put it in her away message. And my parents saw it. Now they’ve told her she isn’t allowed to drink or go to the frat that the kid who did… whatever… to her belongs to.

This all came to a head the day before Valentine’ Day. Meggie came to my apartment with her boyfriend and one of her friends for a “beach party” thrown by the guys who live upstairs. (So we wore shorts and tank tops and bathing suits in the snow… it was damn cold.) Chad, unfortunately, had taken ten shots before the party even started, so he was just laying on my bed, occasionally getting up to vomit.

Dumbass.

I’m not the heartless girlfriend I like to think I am, so I kept him company. Eventually he passed out and I went up to the party. When I went back down at maybe 1am to check and see if he was okay, he pulled me down to lay with him and I fell asleep.

When I woke up at around 2:30am, it was to Meggie screaming at her boyfriend (whose name is Dan, just because boyfriend is hard to type quickly) and telling him that he had ruined her life. She was really drunk and kind of violent. Honestly, she scared me. She told me she didn’t remember anything about it the next day.

So that was then. And last weekend her phone, her debit card, and her room key were stolen from her friend’s room.

I feel bad for her, I really do. But I think she has been kind of irresponsible with everything. Her friends are toxic. They keep trying to get her to break up with Dan, who, despite him being a lot jealous, is really good for her. And one of her friends came and banged on her door for two hours and sent her stuffed animals. But she won’t get rid of them… And it’s really rather stupid.

Also, I don’t think she should drink. I’ve never seen her drink where she hasn’t gotten totally smashed. I don’t think she knows when to stop.

I sound like a geek. Like a jealous, whiny, overprotective mother. But I’m worried about her and I don’t want her to be unhappy. And I don’t want my parents to be mad at her like they are now.

So now that I’ve depressed everyone…

Valentine’s Day was… okay. Chad was very hung over, and I had to get up at 9am to volunteer for this Girl Scouts thing. When I got home, though, he had decorated my bed with candy and balloons. And he bought me this pig that walks and wiggles its snout and shakes it’s tail.

It is, in short, the coolest thing ever.

I made him a box covered with black and white pictures of people kissing and silly love quotes. And I got him this cow that dances around to “Who Put The Bomp.”

Pictures to come.

I still hate Valentine’s Day, but I can’t say that I don’t like the fun lovable things that are always on sale.

Argh. I want to just delete this whole entry because it sucks so bad. But don’t judge me by the shitty writing… it’s hard to sum up an entire month when all you really want to do is focus on the present.

I’m going to say that I will write more soon. If I get inspired today, I will. But probably not.

Argh. I hate this entry. I’m ending it now.

(P.S. Download Bob Dylan’s “Sarah.” Especially if your name is Sarah (I know there are at least 2 of you out there). It’s a good song.)

Love you.