Peanuts

 I feeling slightly strange about this.  Like I should be mortified at myself.  But I’m not.  Which feels wrong, somehow. 

Half of me is relieved.  Glad that I’m not munipulating you into caring about me too much.  I’m almost happy that I’m just filler.  Not the M&Ms in the trail mix, but the peanuts, eaten because the m&ms were gone, and you knew were going to die if you didn’t eat something eventually.  That isn’t offensive to me for some reason.  But I’m slightly offended that I’m not offended.  Because I shouldn’t appreciate not being needed or wanted, only barely accepted.  But at the same time, isn’t that exactly what I should appreciate?  Being accepted and cared about just the same as I accept and care.  So it isn’t uneven.  So it isn’t confusing.  But its still so twisted.  So backwards from my paradigm.  To be okay with something so platonic.

It’s upsetting.  But releaving.  And that is fucking ridiculous.