November 4, 2006

An Opportunitiy Missed

I’ve been a bit lax on catching up with everyone. It seems as if there is never enough time to do everything…And yet…

Today I went to the funeral of a man who taught with me. He has been teaching at my school since before I got there. I have known him about 3 1/2 years. Here is what I knew of him:

His wife, who he dearly loved, died in some sort of accident many years ago. He had never gotten over her loss.
He was loud and often abrasive.
You were welcome to his opinion.
Some of his personal habits were unappealing – and he was more than a little bit of a slob at school.
Many of the students disliked him.
He was a demanding teacher – often asking the students to really stretch and refusing to compromise his standards to give them better grades than they earned.
He was lonely.
It was rumored that he had a drug and/or alcohol problem.
He was often called on the carpet at school for questionable actions in the classroom.
He was very knowledgeable in his subject area – Social Studies – and had a great love for the American system of government and its workings.
He was currently under suspension while an investigation was being completed concerning a complaint that 2 students lodged against him concerning "inappropriate remarks".

He was found dead in his apartment earlier this week. Given the suspected drug/alcohol problem, rumors were rampant that he had done himself in – either accidentally or on purpose. The truth, as I heard it on Friday, was that a blood clot broke loose and found its way into his heart/lungs.

Here is what I found out about the man today – at his funeral.

He was a track star in high school – setting local and state records.
He was a college football player scouted and invited to play by the now defunct WFL.
He enlisted in the service and was decorated many times over.
He joined the Peace Corps.
He loved music and was quite talented – playing trombone, organ and piano among other instruments.
He used to have a band – that played regular ‘gigs’ in his home town. He derived great joy from playing his music.
He has a sister, a niece and a nephew who acknowledged his eccentricities and loved him very much.
He had a Masters Degree.
He was often mad at himself for being unable to help his students achieve what he thought was their full potential.

As I sat and listened at the funeral, I became sadder and sadder. The man I knew – and the man I didn’t – were very different and yet the same. I am deeply and profoundly sorry that I stopped at the surface man he presented and never looked beyond his obvious pain to find a fellow human and a potential friend. I did indeed, miss an opportunity – and I don’t mean to help him (because that is obvious) – but to help myself connect with another human.

I do believe that those snap judgements I tend to make about people will be a little slower in coming now. At least I hope they will. If this is the lesson I was to learn from him – I am sorry I waited until he was gone to learn it.

crystal butterfly

November 5, 2006

Sometimes it is hard to get to know the realy person we keep hidden deep within us.

moongate

Written beautifully. This leaves us with so much to think about in regards to how we perceive others. Thank you.

Jinn

This should teach all of us who read about this to not judge so quickly…It’s a bad habit of mine as well…

Willy & Wilma

My posts are gems of wisdom and humor found at other diarists and sources. They are used only with permission and the authors are given credit.. May I please use this gem for one of my future posts?

Mns

A very moving story, SW. Tragic that his life ended the way it did…

FallingDog

Thanks for the reminder, P. This was a painful, yet uplifting, entry to read.

tae's heartbeats

sometimes it is very hard to get past that first impression, even when we know we should. 🙂

blevins

I remember reading about him in one of your other posts, at least I think it must have been the same man. We are all so much more than we show the world but the world can’t know us unless we show ourselves. Catch 22 isn’t it? Don’t feel badly because you couldn’t see through the wall. I can’t imagine that you didn’t try to get to know him, and more than once.

Mitzie

November 6, 2006

We truly never do know the heart of another person – even those we are close to. I know I also tend to judge a person by their first impression, shying away from those who make me uncomfortable, and yet some of the people whom I’ve come to know and count as memorable, are those who I originally wouldn’t have thought I’d want to get to know. Thanks for the reminder to take the time to get to see the person underneath.

Torin

But perhaps that was the role he was meant to play in your life. We cannot be close to everyone we meet, and the choices we make are are what they are. Sometimes we are drawn to people that others might find questionable, and sometimes we aren’t. I may have to mull this over in an entry. With a warm smile…

RYN; LOL. I don’t know. I would never vote the party line just because it is my party of registration. I’m all over the ballot and I like it that way.

Ahem

So often all we can learn about others is what let us see. There’s always a lot more. I’m sorry you lost a colleague. ryn: Cool!

wren

It’s sad that we learn these things after the person has passed. So many “if only’s” and missed chances.

a mote, floating

{{{Hugs}}} to you and to his family. This is a very wise entry. Some people erect a wall — even against others who try to get to know them — because being vulnerable is just too painful.

RNBiker

Hugz

.imp.

November 7, 2006

Really great entry…

amorcita.

sometimes i think it is hard to remember or to admit that other humans are as multi-faceted as we believe ourselves to be. this was a good reminder. thank you for writing this.

Jolene

*hugs* This was a great entry to read. It’s amazing how little you know about someone who you have preconceived thoughts about, isn’t it? RYN: Thanks for your note. I’m glad you noted me again – I lost your notes way back in other notes and forgot to add you to favorites!

November 8, 2006

ryn: Yes! Yes! I forgot about ball-change! I’ll try that next time because all that hopping just wasn’t working for me. Oh to be young again!

RYN on Torin’s diary:- You know you’re gonna get got for that, doncha? Hugz

Leonalia

We never truly know each other do we.

~pyra

November 9, 2006

Hello Sunshine Wolf! I’ve had a difficult time myself in getting on here and connecting …with new and some of those that have been around! Your story could be anyone, anywhere. Sometimes its hard to remember that every single person has a story…sometimes completely different than what is presented. thanks for reminding me.

Illuminati Apprentice

November 10, 2006

I think we are all “guilty” of many, many snap judgements. I know my life would undoubtedly be richer if I was more tolerant and bothered to extend myself enough to look longer and deeper into the worth of others – this is an obvious flaw of mine.

Arbi

November 27, 2006

Such a hard lesson that we all learn – and relearn – and relearn.

Starbright

November 28, 2006

Sometimes people want to remain unknown. He might not have shown his true self to you even if you had reached out. Still we should all try to look beyond the surface. Thanks for sharing this important lesson.