Sunshine Who?

It certainly has been a while since I’ve been here in Diary Land.  I have a thousand excuses reasons why I’ve been delinquent, but I’ll just "bottom line" it with this – I lost every inkling of motiviation to write.  I couldn’t even ‘inkle’ up a note or two, even though I often lurked and read faves.

That said, today I had visitations by the ghosts of motivations past, present and future (hmmm…sounds like a lot like a really bad, low budget, ‘B’ movie, doesn’t it?) and – I’m back.  Seasons Greetings to all!

I have been quite deeply touched twice this Christmas.  Let me back up a step.  I am not fond of Christmas.  It has been, for many years, the most stressful time of year for me.  Lots of reasons, yada-yada-yada.  Mea culpa, yada-yada-yada again.  Whatever.  Christmas = Stress.

Sometimes my students give me cards or presents.  Presents are not very plentiful in my school, given the economic status of our population.  Whenever I get anything I am pleased.  This year I got a few cards…and one smal multi-colored teddy bear.  Very small.  It sits cuetly on top of my computer monitor.  The young man who gave it to me came into the classroom the day school got out for winter break, dug around in his pocket, came out with this slightly smushed teddy bear of many colors and gave it to me with a big smile on his face.  He dug around a minute more and came out with a card.  I smiled, hugged him (despite the fact that this is a big teacher no-no – hugging the opposite sex!) and thanked him profusely.  I set Multi-Ted on top of my computer in a palce of honor.  We had an easy class that day – most of the class got quite involved in a hotly contested round of the game of "Life".  A few others got onto the computers.  At the end of class they went to lunch and I sat down with my new present and fought back tears.

This boy has nothing.  Nothing.  He wears glasses, but they got broken and he has had no money to replace them.  I have been trying to get him hooked up with the Lions club through the proper school channels, but it is a long and frustrating process.  He is also on medication of some sort (maybe for ADD?) which often his family cannot afford.  When he doesn’t have or doesn’t take his meds, he is a handful to deal with.  But he has volunteered for every extra-curricular project and faithfully been there and worked.  He even dressed up when we had the Town Hall meeting and played host (very graciously, thank you very much)to our superintendant of schools and school board members.  (And don’t think this non-tenured teacher didn’t hold her breath and cross her fingers and toes hoping THAT would go off well!) 

This young man has so little in the way of possessions, medications, good food, family stability….. and he thought enough of me to give me Multi-Ted.  I was floored.

Skip forward a week.  My daughter’s boyfriend comes for a very dysfunctional family.  Really – that word is so inadequate.  This is a sick and twisted bunch of people.  Dad is a funtioning alcoholic.  Moms are many and scattered around.  I could fill several entries with what I consider to be horror stories about how these people ‘live’.  Lately, the current mom and children have been living in a shelter, trying to get away from Dad.  Every weekend Chickie’s bf would go pick up his brother  from the shelter and bring him here.  He is always very pleasant – never demands anything.  If I ask him to take out the garbage or feed the dogs, he will jump up and run to do it right then.  He watches TV or plays video games.  Even though we have an extra bed, he mostly sleeps on the couch.  I have asked him often if he is bored – because often no one is home much on weekends.  Chickie and BF both work two jobs….and I run in and out on errands.  He says he is happy just to chill.  And he chills.  I worry about him a bit – he is a freshman in high school and should have friends to hang with …..other interests to pursue….. But he has been content just to be here on weekends.

Mom and kids are no longer in the shelter – they are back wih Dad, but when school let out for the winter break, the brother was back here for a few days.  Two days before Christmas his mom talked to him on the phone to say that she wasn’t going to have the money she thought she was going to have…. and his younger sister (who has a whole boatload of medical and emotional issues) really wanted this one expensive present….. and Brother told her that it was OK – just spend it all on the sister.  He ended up with $100, which he used to buy himself a pair of shoes.

Today Chickie and her BF went back to pick up the brother and bring him back here.  I had gotten him a small present – consisting of a whole lot of different snack foods and candy – before I heard the story about mom, sis and money.  I wish I could have done more for him, but I was out of money and out of time.  Imagine my surprise when he handed me a present.  Some scented soaps and a card.  Chickie pulled me aside and said he didn’t buy anything for anyone else.  After all, he only had the change from buying his shoes.

I was floored…..and flustered.  I didn’t know what to say.  I thanked him and fumbled with some words.  Then I retreated to my room.

I had a wonderful Christmas.  I got some lovely and thoughtful presents from my family.  We had a yummy meal at a very nice luxury buffet (4 different types of salmon – yum!).  And I got reminded…. what the spirit of giving really is all about.  It’s about love and gratitude and simple human decency.  It’s not about how much you spend – or how many giftes you give/get.  It’s a time to give….and give back.

Love to you all…. and wonderful blessings raining down in your lives.  I have quite a few – and am more grateful today than I have been in a long while.