Sometimes All You Can Do Is Laugh….

…and shake your head!

This has seemed like a very long week to me, while feeling like a very short week all at the same time.

There are more committees and meetings here than in corporate America!  And here, you cannot REQUIRE that anyone participate in these committeess because we have a CONTRACT.  And there are many many people that have a rather narrow view of thier job which means they will refuse to do one second’s worth of work over what is specified in the contract.  My view is a little wider.  I feel like I need to do whatever is best for the kids (the whole reason for school – kids – remember?) even it requires more than then contract says.

CONSEQUENTLY… you will find that the same small number of people are on all the committees and/or doing all the extra work.  I am on the SIT committee (School Improvement Team) which is very formal and requires much documentation, useless paperwork and hair pulling.  I am also on the Literacy Team which is focused on how best to fulfill the ridiculous requirements that our governor has foisted upon us and – just as a side issue – improving the students’ reading scores.  (Make a note…the VAST majority of our students in grades 6-8 at this school read BELOW a 3rd grade level.)

I will be representing the school at a big Latino Festival in a couple of weeks – Conga Caliente.  (Er… I call it Hispanic Hell in the park).  I am 2nd chief cook and bottle washer for the school’s spaghettis supper (and major fund raiser) in February.  I am running concession stands at all the "home" sporting events and any time there is ANYTHING requiring extra work or longer hours….I am called upon and cheerfully produce results.  My principal now calls me "baby".  grrrrr

I really don’t begrudge the students my extra effort.  They are – by and large – very appreciative.  I do resent Governor Jeb and the high mucky mucks who have lost sight of the goal of schooling – to educate our children and prepare them for life.  Some days, however, I get to feeling a little giddy and over done.  Today was one of those days….. and my warped sense of humor kicked in during my last class.

Before the bell even rang, 2 girls asked if they could (for the second day in a row) go back to their previous class and complete their work for that class.  Normally I am accommodating….but 2 days in a row? Something STINKETH.  So I walked to the other teacher with them and ask if they need to do work for him.  He said yes they do.  So I rounded on my darling girls and said – "SO.  What did you do in this class today that kept you from finishing your work?"

There was much shuffling of feet and guilty looks were exchanged.  Then they both said "We played".  My blood pressure cuff blew.

"Let’s see if I have this straight.  You played in HIS class – so you think you need to miss MY class so you won’t get an F from him.  HOWEVER, you will get an F in my class for the past 2 days.  And I am supposed to say OK to this?  Does this seem somehow WRONG to you?"

More shuffling and guilty looks mixed with a slight whiff of fear.  Ms. Wolf was dangerously close to the edge…… "ummm…."

"Please – save it.  You may stay and do your work.  However I suggest that you get your acts together and start doing your work when you’re supposed to.  You are choosing to take Fs in my class – and that is, of course, your decision.  Enjoy it.  It will be the last time you can make it this way.  I will no longer give you permission to use MY time to do YOUR make up work."  And Hurricane Wolfie blew out of the room.

No sooner had I gotten back than 2 other girls requested that they be able to go "Help" another teacher CLEAN HER ROOM.  WHAT?  Let’s see…. how many ways can I say NO!?  "Do you think that this is your personal play time and you get to pick and choose what days to come to class?  I DON’T THINK SO."  Again – I called the other teacher and she didn’t even really want the girls.  They had asked if they could come back and clean her room.  She had agreed only if I said OK.  I didn’t say OK.  The whole class then got treated to a Ms. Wolf Mini Rant.  Lucky class!

Next – during the required silent reading time at the beginning of class…. one male student complained loudly that the boy sitting next to him was throwing SKIN at him.  I gaped.

SO… I pretended that I was making a phone call…Hello?  Is this BoyStudent’s Mother?  This is Ms. Wolf, one of his teachers.  I really think you should take BoyStudent to the doctor immediately.  He seems to have a severe physical problem which is causing his skin to fall off in huge chunks.  When this happens he throws them across the room at his fellow students.  I am quite concerned."

Then I raised my eyebrows and looked at the two boys.  "Do you think your mother would LOVE getting THAT phone call?"  By this time the whole class was laughing into their books.  BoyStudent had the good grace to look chagrined and went back to his reading.

Next up on the entertainment list… GirlStudent utters unrepeatable curse words in the middle of an otherwise silent and reading classroom.  Out came my imaginary phone again.

"Hello?  Is this GirlStudent’s mother?  Good.  This is Ms. Wolf, your daughter’s teacher.  She seems to have Tourette’s syndrome.  Yes.  That’s right.  She cannot control her urges to blurt out curse words in the middle of my class.  How soon do you think you could get her to a doctor and get some meds that will help her?"

Another wave of titters rolled through the room….and even GirlStudent grinned and apologized as she went back to reading.

Next on the hit parade….my goofy little darling boy who has been with me 3 years….decides to put on a male version of a pole dance over in the corner.  Sadly, I do believe he thought I would somehow find this exhibition of his lack of prowess……. sexy or – at the very least – interesting.  No pretend phone this time….

"Alfie – give me your cell phone!"

"Why?&q

uot;

"Because I want to actually CALL YOUR MOTHER – and I know she’ll answer when she sees YOUR number on the caller ID!"

Alfie sat down quick and buried himself in a book.

So much for the FIRST 15 minutes of class today.  I decided to haul out the big guns and give them their assignment.

"I want you to read this newspaper article.  AFTER you have read the article, take one of the PINK hi-lighters and highlight the main points in the article.  Next take EITHER a blue or green hi-lighter and highlight the supporting statements.  Those that SUPPORT THE MAIN POINT.  As a note – I do not expect to see the ENTIRE article highlighted.  Some sentences should be excluded.  AFTER you have completed this highlighting frenzy, write me a summary of the article.  In other words – tell me what the article said IN YOUR OWN WORDS.  Do NOT copy the article for me.  Do NOT tell me that the article is about an old man and oranges because there is a picture of an old man and an orange tree.  This is a short article and a simple assignement.  When you are finished, you can have free time on the computer."

This sounded fairly striaght forward to me…and they claimed to understand.  And………they’re off!

About 5 minutes into the assignment, BoyStudent complained in a VERY LOUD VOICE: "THIS IS HARD!!!"

"That’s why God gave you a brain, honey.  He wants you to USE it!"

(And with that very God as my witness – the next line is a direct quote….)

"I just wish he didn’t give me such a small brain!"

I almost spit out the Pepsi I had just taken a sip of…. and thought (while attempting to maintain the appropriately supportive and understanding teacher face)     So do I, honey.  So do I.

Happy Friday, all!!!