Fake It Til You Make It

Based on the title of this entry, some of you may be saying – “Thank heavens! She has joined a 12 Step program and is going to get some help!” I hate to disappoint you, but it just ain’t so. I’m just borrowing one of their principles (but not one of their PrinciPALs – cause I have one of those already – 5 days a week at school!) Did somebody mention school? Well, funny you should say that – cause that’s EXACTLY what I’m faking.

It all started yesterday afternoon. (It probably all started MUCH further ago than that – but I can’t remember back much further than yesterday afternoon. My AP (that’s assistant principal in teacher lingo) came into my room and asked for a coffee pot. I whipped out a grungy Mr. Coffee that had been willed to me by the previous teacher. It seems that this was not what she wanted. She wanted a big fancy-schmancy, makes200cups kind of coffee pot. Ahhhhhhhhhh. So I crossed my fingers and went hunting in the ‘tween room. (Tween cause it’s between my class and the class next door and is used for storage – mostly for my stuff but a little bit for them, too. A very little bit for them if the truth be told.) The ‘tween room is magic. I wished for a coffee pot to spec – and it spit one out right away. It was even inthebox new! Never been perked! Wooooooo! I proudly dragged out my trophy and offered it up to the AP.

Somehow, and I am still not sure how this happened, I ended up committing to coming in this morning early enough to make MANY cups of coffee in the BIGSHINY urn. The AP was having a nice little thank you breakfast for our bus drivers. Bus drivers need LOTS of coffee (and probably more than the legal dosage of hallucinogenic drugs as well, but that’s another story). Having found myself as cheerful coffee volunteer of the week, I packed up my BIG SHINY urn and took it home. Did I mention that I don’t drink coffee, and therefore, have never actually made a palatable cup of coffee? Yeah, well I neglected to mention it to the AP as well. Once home I washed the BIGSHINY urn and read the instruction book. Then I burned candles to all the celestial beings I could think of. Then I made up a few celestial beings and burned candles to them as well.

This morning rolled around and I took my BIGSHINY urn back to school. Then I trotted it into the AP’s conference room and set it up. I measured the water. I measured the coffee. I spun 3 times clockwise, then 4 times counterclockwise. I shimmied a little and then I did the Hokey-Pokey and I shook it al about. THEN I plugged in the BIGSHINY urn. It gurgled. I said one last prayer that gurgles are a good thing. I watched for a few minutes. There was more gurgling, but no explosions or emissions so I went back to my classroom to clean up the mess I made preparing burnt offerings to the coffee gods. (You can do that in a cooking classroom really easily – burnt offerings I mean – cause everyone just thinks your kids screwed up another recipe. Heh

After a bit I went back to check on the gurgling BIGSHINY urn. As I walked in, the AP shoved a bag into my hands and then a warming dish. Then she asked me if I would mind scrambling up a couple dozen eggs right then, Sure. No problem. By this time it was less than 20 minutes til I had to let my first class into my room. ARGH. FORTUNATELY, I scramble a mean egg. And I did just that. And I placed them in the lovely little warming dish lovingly and beautifully. Then I ran them down to the conference room along WITH salt and pepper! (See how thoughtful I am?)

End result? No one died. No one got sick. I was thanked several times for assistance. Then I was asked by “THE SUNSHINE CLUB” (isn’t it cute that they’ve named it after me? Lol) to help prepare the breakfast they’re hosting a week from Friday. I’m guessing the food and the coffee were OK. I’d ask someone, but wouldn’t YOU be a little suspicious of a Home Ec teacher who was so damn insecure that she needed to know if every little cup of coffee she brewed was drinkable? Hah!

I faked it – looks like I made it. But I’m not getting too comfortable….there’s still another breakfast for me and BIGSHINY to get through!