Oh, Miss!!!

BEEEEEEEEEEP  (the bell rings)

Me:  Good Morning!  The bell has rung and there is a procedure you should be following at this point in time.

Student: What procedure?

Me:  We are now in our 10th week of school.  It’s been the same procedure every day of those 10 weeks.  Don’t you remember?

Student:  You mean the one where we come into the classroom, get our folders, sit down and start the work that’s on the board?

Me:  Yes.  That’s the exact procedure.

Student:  See!  I remember it!

Me:  Yes, but let’s try to remember to DO IT!!!!!

Student:  OH MY GOD! (rolls eyes) What are YOU mad about? I wasn’t doing anything!! (aside to fellow student-can you believe her? I hate this class.) Miss Wolf?!  Are we gonna cook today?

Me:  No – we have actual book work for today.  Who can read me the bellwork question?

Student B:  Contrast the type of care needed for an infant and the type of care needed for a toddler.

Student C:  Miss!  I don’t understand the bellwork.

Me: Which part don’t you understand?

Student C:  ALL OF IT.

Me:  (MAJOR big sigh)  Let’s go through it.  Who can tell me what CONTRAST means?

Student D:  OOOOOH! OOOOOH!!!  MEMEMEMEME!!!!!

Me:  Yes, Little Herkimer?

Student D:  It means some stuff – like – you know – when you contrast stuff.

Me:  Could you break that down a little more?

Student D:  NO!  I don’t speak English.

Me:  Really?  You have spoken perfect english for the past 9 weeks.  Let’s just call “tu mama” and see what she has to “hable” about that!

Student D: NONONONONONONONO!!!!!!!!!!

Me:  Anyone else?  What is contrast?

Student E: Different?

Me:  Now you’re on the right track.  Different.  Yesterday I asked you to COMPARE two things.  I wanted you to tell me what was the SAME about them.  Today I want you to CONTRAST two things – tell me what is different about them.  Go ahead and write down the answers.  You have 5 minutes.

Student F:  Miss!!  What’s an infant?

Me:  There is another question up for discussion – who can tell me what an infant is?

Student:  A kid!

Me:  What age kid?

Student:  A teenager!!

Me: (while painfully biting back the smart-ass remarks about TOO RIGHT YOU ACT LIKE AN INFANT!) No…infants are much younger than that.  Anyone else have an idea?

Student:  A 4 or 5 year old!

Me:  That’s closer to the age for a toddler – but you’re getting warm.  Anyone else?

ALL STUDENTS:  sit dumbfounded with puzzled looks

Me:  an infant is a newborn up until about age 1.

ALL STUDENTS:  continue to stare at me as if I have suddenly sprouted 3 horns and begun speaking Swahili while shooting firebolts out my nostrils. 

Me: Let’s get basic here.  What sort of care does a newly born baby need?

Student Z:  I know!  You have to chew their food for them!

Me:  You mean they can’t chew so you mash their food or get them baby food?

Student Z: No.  You chew it first and then give it to them.  That’s what my grandma says. 

Me: (trying to hide the slightly green tinge I know I must be getting about now)  Well that’s interesting.  But that’s a LOT more work than is necessary.  You can mash up a banana…or buy bottled baby food.

Student X:  Miss Wolf!  What does contrast mean?

Me:  SIGH

 

And THAT, ladies and gentleman, was only the first 20 minutes of my 70 minute class period…..with the group of students that I consider my “best”.

You gotta love them….but…..

 

I just may take up drinking……………………………….