Pawprints

Finally the planets converge and I am able to do two important things at once – find the time to write AND find a computer that works! It must have been easier to build the pyramids in Egypt than accomplishing those two little tasks simultaneously has been for me.

Now that I am here, I suddenly find that there is nothing to say. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!!

Let’s give it the old college try anyway.

MUSINGS ON SIS: I am (nearly a year later) catching on to some of her speech patterns. For example… “WE NEED TO” is three little words that occur often in her daily speechifications. When she says something like “WE NEED TO clean the back porch so we can use it” it means YOU better do it – I’ll stand there and watch and then tell everyone how you couldn’t have done it without me later.

When she says something like WE NEED TO BUY a new tablecloth – vinyl this time” it means that she does not like, after all, the fabric table cloth she talked me into buying several months ago. She thinks a vinyl one would work better for clean-ups. She is the only one that makes messes on the table. She is the only one that actually likes a table cloth of ANY kind. I have a beautiful glass table top and I prefer the openness gained from leaving it nekkid.

When she says something like “WE NEED TO go to church” she means that she wants to go – but not alone. If I beg off…I am lectured about the fact that I am too reclusive and need to get out more.

I know English is a complex language – just never knew those 3 little words could hold so much meaning!

MUSINGS ON DAD: Dad – just shut the hell up! Hang on – did I actually type that out loud? OOPSIE! His doctors have been doing him no good – they are traditional physicians and not much willing to look even a little outside the traditional western medicine box. Dad is not willing to look either…but we caught him in a weak (and very ill) moment and talked him into going to a “wellness center” which combines BOTH traditional western medicine and some more non-traditional methods – more wholistic type medicine. He has been slowly getting better – grudgingly pulled – kicking and screaming – down the path to better health. HOWEVER, this is not without its own drama. It seems that the doctor is an idiot. She is stupid. She doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing. TOTALLY incompetent. Every time his health backslides a bit – I get a phone call announcing that he IS GOING TO DIE BECAUSE HE CAN’T CONTINUE TO LIVE THIS WAY. I find this stressful. I know I have no control over his attitude and health, but witnessing another person’s suffering is bound to make you suffer – especially if it is someone you love. I wish he could be more hopeful (if not positive). Words carry power – and all this “I can’t, I won’t, It doesn’t help” – can easily become self-fulfilling prophecies. Since he is still helping out with the funding here I can’t just change my phone number and ignore his calls, dammitall!

MUSINGS ON CHICKIE: She has a learners permit driver’s license. Are you scared? You should be. Remember Chickie in her role as the grocery nazi? Well……you should just see her as the Driving Diva!!! Oh my goodness. “STOP! PUT ON THE BRAKES! THOSE ARE BRAKE LIGHTS ON THE CAR IN FRONT OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!” And she just laughs – “Oh Mom!”. Sigh. I thought adolescent BOYS were supposed to be the driving devils from hell behind the wheel.

The other night I picked her up after work as usual. She came out laughing. When I asked what was so funny……grrrrrrrowwwwwwlllll. The store hires a deputy to “guard” every evening. Often that deputy is over 50 and pot bellied. That night he was young, fit and full of himself. So…he makes a pass at her. She laughed. As is characteristic of good law enforcement officers…her was persistent. He kept hitting on her. She kept trying to blow him off. Finally she told him she was still in HIGH SCHOOL. I think that threw a little cold water on his deputy dawg hopping hormones. He – of all people – should that that 16 will get you 20 – years in jail, that is!!!!!

Musings on school: I AM TIRED. This is one of the most demanding and least compensated jobs I have ever held. I am changing my name from Ms. Wolf. WHAT AM I SAYING??? It won’t matter. If they don’t know your name they just keep shouting “MISS” over and over. If THAT doesn’t work, they they shout “Ms. MISS”. In one of the courses I am required to take to learn to be an effective teacher we learned about “I” statements. It is most effective to say to a student… When you pile your books in the aisle I cannot walk down the aisle to help everyone with their lessons. This apparently motivates little Juan (hey – I am in a 70% Hispanic school – there are no little Johnny’s) to snatch up his books and put them elsewhere to accommodate you. Ahhhh. I see. Let me practice. “WHEN YOU SHOUT ACROSS THE ROOM TO YOUR FRIENDS WHILE I AM TEACHING, I WANT TO HIT YOU WITH A BASEBALL BAT.” There we go. I think I’ve got that whole “I” statement concept mastered, don’t you? And they say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks!

OH…..for those of you wanting to make fun of my cooking – go ahead. These kids will never know the difference. They are so hungry every minute of the day, that they will actually try to steal the spices and eat them without any actual food. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.