Fits and Gits and In-Betweens
What have I been up to? A multitude of activities I’m sure. Right now I can’t really remember them though.
Young Stud has postponed his wedding. There’s a WHOLE LONG story there, but since even I do not know it all, we’ll just let his business stay his business for now. The current result is that they are still engaged and are now, even as I type, enjoying themselves on a lovely tropical island off the coast of Mexico enjoying what would have been their honeymoon and is now simply a lovely vacation.
I went to a presentation by a group of women artists that I saw in the paper. It looked interesting…poetry readings, drama, painting, songs. It was at a funky restaurant and consisted almost entirely of lesbians. Almost entirely. After all, Sis and I were there so it wasn’t ENTIRELY lesbian. Heh. We had a great time – really enjoyed ourselves. I about laughed myself out of my chair when a couple of the women openly admired Sis’s cleavage and she was having trouble remaining cool, calm and collected while processing the fact that it was women ogling her boobies.
My substituting has come to a close for this school year. I had mixed feelings. It got me up and out of the house which was good. Some days were good and some bad. The day some little darling told me she didn’t have to listen to no “CRACKER” was not one of the better days. And so now…what to do? Summer is here and Chickie is a royal pain in the ass.
I am immobile. I don’t know what to do or which way to turn…and so I fill my days up with crap and shit that looks really meaningful, but is really designed to keep me occupied while I avoid what the REAL part of my life is. Whenever I contemplate that REAL part – I go cold and wander off.
I still have no career path in front of me…no life path…no group of friends here. Who’s fault is that? I know it’s mine. But…..still I stagnate.
None of this is important, none of it earthshaking… but still I sink.
Chickie is doing well. She has managed to compensate for last years total screw-off in school and is now back on graduation track. Still not a straight A student, but made up for lost time quite well. But she is bored over the summer…and I want to choke her. A coworker of hers left home….and landed here. She’s graduated from High School and is 18 and is a pleasant young lady…but I’m over it.
Sis…I don’t know what’s up there. I have a sinking suspicion that something is going on that is going to leave me feeling betrayed. No need for that – if she would just tell me up front…
Dad is happy as a piggie in poop still…cause I am home…but he is beginning to grouse at times about money. Can’t say as I blame him…I’d have killed me by now if I were him!
I am paralyzed by a boatload of bad experiences it seems. I am trying not to sound whiny…am I succeeding? If I were you guys, I’d be tired of reading about me and my problems! The obvious answer is for me to get off my ass and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I know. And yet I am stuck in neutral…engine racing and getting nowhere.
I am afraid. Fear is the opposite of love – have you heard that? Next question is…so what? LOL
I have asked Mother/Father God, the Creator, the Universe….whatever…for guidance. Show me clearly. How can I serve. You know what I get in answer? A dream about a total geek that I used to work with who was busy saving the world from aliens with his 50 item utlity belt. Not just any old utility belt, mind you… but a 50 item utility belt. Can someone please interpret how THAT tells me about my life path?
I am feeling really shitty today – can you tell? Somebody just put me out of my misery please….time to start a new pattern – if I can just break out of the old.
A 50 item utility belt would indicate a plethora of tools available to help the situation. The trick is to figure out which tool is most useful for the task. Saving the world from aliens — while amusing, is not very practical. Could it be in his head? Since we are usually the people in our dreams, how does this fit into your life? Do you have an abundance of tools (abilities/talents) at your (c)
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(2) fingertips? If so, are you using them for a practical purpose? Or are you fighting off aliens? How do you relate to the aliens? Given all that, I reiterate my favorite coaching question: What do you really, really, really, really, really want to do? Or not. xoxoxo 🙂
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grr at the powerade ad… I agree with Luna…..you are a wonderful and resourcefull woman…use that to your advantage…use the fact that chickie and friend are staying there….start up a summer business something artsy craftsy…or something along those lines…..or better yet ….create the family tree, write down all the family stories and such…be inventive….or do dishes your choi
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we most certainly (or I at least) are not sick of you… you haven’t even been around that much, so I think you’ve been complaining to us more in your head than you have in reality. And if we were sick of you, we would have the option of leaving.. so i think it’s safe to say that anyone who is still here is not sick of you, but would indeed like to see you happy and back on your wolfie paws.
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I’m sorry you’re stuck in a rut… and I don’t really know what advice to give… I’m here for you always, but I don’t really see myself as giving advice when youa are 29 years older than me… and have kids older than me… All I know is that you are very cool and very resourceful and I have full confidence that you will be able to find your way out of this one, and hopefully with a smile. *HUGS*
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oh, by the way, nice color scheme. Very wolf-like 😀 *more big hugs*
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You’ll figure it out when you figure it out – and not a minute sooner. (life, that is) No need to fret, but I do hear you loud and clear. You have me wondering about your feelings concerning sis. Care to elaborate? p.s… I care!!!!
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((hugs)) I know how you feel, really I do. And I’ll take a shot at interpeting your dream if you try to figure out mine, they just get more bizzare every day, or rather every night. 🙂
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I wish the activity in my life, mostly work, would stop long enough for me to stagnate! Isn’t that always the way, we want what we don’t have.
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LOL…great entry and Ditto BBE…..hey there’s a song from one of the Christmas kiddie specials, it goes “put one foot in front of the other and soon you’ll be waking the door”…give it a try…BELIEVE IN YOU my friend…you have a lot to offer…just do and do not think so much about things…JUST DO..you will be fine…hey, you are fine! Love & hugs,
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I wish I could come up with the magic formula, even to help you pick a path at random and start walking to see where it leads. I sympathise on the ‘no friends’ front. It took me over seven years of living here to strike up my first real friendship. Now I’m on a roll and acquiring new ‘closer acquaintances’ than I had before. With a warm hug…
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just remember what i say in times like this. . just breathe.
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50 item utility belt? wow. hehe~ nice color changes here, SW, always enjoy reading you! 🙂
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Luna asks the good questions, eh?! Maybe there’s some alien ass to kick. Or perhaps you should amass some fine toppings and become the best Cracker you can be. Ain’t I a big help? (((SW))) ~:), ArtImp, useless and nsi
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Sounds like my refrain in Boston for the past couple of years especially — wondering what I was doing with my life, struggling to make ends meet and in a dead-end job. I knew what I wanted to do, where my passions lay, but there was simply so much interference that I could eke out crumbs of those passions at best. When I first moved down here I checked my trusty bag of Runes (cont….)
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… and got the advice that basically said, “This is not a time in which you can make your influence felt,” and counseled patience. Made sense; I needed time to reacclimate. What’s helped me was getting involved in those groups that answered to my passions and by beginning/continuing my own projects. (cont….)
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Getting involved with folks who share my interests has been the greatest contributor to my acclimation here. That takes time, too, because I’m a newcomer and just getting to know people, but I’m exercising patience. I hope things work out. Keep on keepin’ on, and keep the faith. I’m not far from you (not around the corner, but not that far away) — amotefloating@opendiary.com.
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Stop floundering around and go get a regular job, even if it’s some fast food place. At least it will give you something to do and be with others to keep your mind off of broding about yourself
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Being stuck is so awful! I sort of agree with Willy’s note, above, but maybe not fast food! Chickie and friend would probably benefit more from a stint in ‘food services’… :-/
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ryn — Imagine the size of spiders in CUBA!!! And the massiveness of the PALMETTO BUGS!!! Ha ha! We should capture FD and send her there, see how long it takes her blue hair to turn white. Or no, WAIT, send ME there — I’d like to see the place as it is now, before the developers get their hands on it…
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One of these days, a handsome guy will come along and get down on one knee and say to you in a verrrrry sexy voice: Wolfie, may I please do your windows? See? Miracles do happen! And when he’s done, would you send him up this way? My windows are filthy!
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Ah hun, *big hug* I’m truly sorry for how you’re feeling at this point in life, & I can understand. I’ve had the same feelings too. Especially the lonely ones. Hang in there & keep putting one foot in front of the other as another noter suggested. We’re care for & are here for you. *with great big warm hugs & an encouraging smile*
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Have you asked sis what’s going on? Maybe a chat would help. Are you still doing volunteer work? That’s good for getting motivated and looks GREAT on a resume. Look after yourself… and find a use for those 50 items on his utility belt 🙂
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